2012 Resolutions

Wokay, let's recap last year's resolution:

1. Be happy. Despite all the let downs, I was happy.

2. Learn how to make things move. Hell yeah!!

3. Learn how to code (pass if I can make my own website). Fail kao kao.

4. Illustrate. In terms of work, I did a lot. But in terms of developing my existing skills to a higher level, no.

5. Read 50 books in 2011. I lost count. But am certainly didn't.

6. Start and finish my Eason Chan artbook. Didn't start at all.

7. Save money for camera, laptop and holiday. (so not gonna happen, at least not all three at the same time) No camera, no laptop, but I committed to TWO holidays, which I have yet to have the money to go on.

8. Run. Hell yeah!!!

9. Lose fat, be healthy. Came a bit late in the year, but yeah, I did this. At least I started.

10. Be happy. I am.

Come to think of it, I think I did pretty good for last year's resolution. But then again, I merely accidentally achieved most of it. It's not like I remembered these all the while and strive to achieve them. Why even make resolutions if they don't work? New years have this magical ability to make everything feel brand new, as if we could wipe all the bad things off and make a clean slate. For me, new years are about having new hope and dreams. Or rather, renewed chances to make my dreams come true.

Foolish it may be, but I kinda like resolutions, so this is my list for this year:

1. Save half my salary every month. Be frugal. Really stingy! (not possible for Jan, CNY costs a lot of ka-chink)

2. Learn HTML.

3. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week. (yup, I have an effing gym membership)

4. Draw. Draw. Draw.

5. Start a new blog on design.

6. Be more focused in work. Thus leave work at 7pm when possible. (yea rite, of course, whatever)

7. Start my pet project.

8. Be good and practice more patience with a certain someone.

9. Earn more money.

10. Be happy.

If you realise this whole list is basically all about work. I wanna make work something enjoyable again. Away from the office, I want work to be a joy again. Leave work early, and go make art.

A Break

6.07 pm. I'm going home soon after a four months absence. I have no words to describe how much I miss home. Today's an awesome day! All of a sudden I have $$$ rained on me; claims, petrol money, etc. Suddenly I've got all these petty cash to cover my expenses back home. Alrighty!

May I say how turbulent August was/is? So many things happened that once again prompted me to think about my goals and plans. May I just have one day back home, go chill at the beach and just contemplate? You know, like an old man looking out at the sea thinking about the past, I wanna sit there and look and design my future.

Oooo... have you ever heard of an amazing deal such as this: one day leave in exchange for a 9-days break!

My blog has been in such abandonment. I couldn't even manage more than a couple of post a month. I don't have that many things to say about myself anymore. It's work, work and work. Ahh.

Of 24 Candles and New Toy

Guess how I celebrated my birthday?

Haha... this is a post long past due. Anyhow, I still want to archive it for it's one of the good ones I've had.

For my birthday this year, I wasn't expecting any celebration. I was away from family and also in a new environment. Another thing, I took down my birthday from Facebook, somehow recently birthday reminders from Facebook be it mine or others seemed so insincere.

It's rather awesome coz surprises occurred one after another. Firstly, my new housemates surprised me with a cake when I least expected it, two days before my birthday. They found out the date from my IC, when I gave them a copy for house renting documentation purposes. Truly, I hardly know them that well and yet they went out of their way to make me feel special. Thank you guys!

Then on the real day itself, people from office burst into a brainstorming session and started singing a birthday song for me. Whoa... I felt rather awkward and embarrassed to be the center of attention, but on the other hand rather pleased too. Thank you IFians! (none of them will be reading this, I hope)

I actually spent my birthday slaving away in the company. There was some work to rush and I didn't leave until about ten at night. Once back in my room, I bathed and settled in front of my comp to work on the stuff I brought back. Then all of a sudden, a wave of excited human bodies flung themselves through my room door, singing out of tune birthday song and bringing along a Baskin Robbins cake. Omg... the bodohs of #16 didn't forget about me. Feeling rather stupid myself for being so touched by this.

So all of us, new and old housemates, sat down in the empty leaving room and dug away happily at the ice cream cake. There was so much chatter, everybody's trying to catch up with one another. I miss those bodohs a lot. It felt great to poke fun at them and be laughed at too.

I was supposed to blow at candles and make wishes. But I didn't make a single wish on any of the three cakes. I was happy enough, I didn't need wishes then.

Mom and bro gave me cash to buy myself something. So I bought this! Eason Chan's newest EP and also a brand new Jumbo sketch book plus some fine liners. I wanna drawwww....

Bodohs of #16 with Stella and Tham. Awesome Eichi taking the pic for us. Thank you guys, for making my 24th birthday amazing!

And ohohoho~ on a more recent note, I bought myself a brand new phone. This is bought with my own hard-earned money. Not a single cent from my mom and all that stuff. ALL MINE. New Toy. New Love.

And I'm finally confirmed in my company. I'm a real working adult now. Life is good. =)

First Quarter

Quarter of the year has passed, how have you lived yours?

I made some resolutions beginning of the year, surprisingly I did make some progress.

1. Be happy.

I am content with what I have right now. Starting to fall into the routine of a working adult and getting used to the company. So yea, am good.

2. Learn how to make things move.

I know Flash! I've learnt some basic animation skills in Flash, thanks to doing a lot of banners at work. Though what I know is nothing to shout about, I do think it's an accomplishment for myself.

3&4. Learn how to code and illustrate.

Didn't happen.

5. Read 50 books in 2011

It's only March and I've hit 13 books. Progress is on track.

6. Start and finish my Eason Chan Artbook.

Didn't happen.

7. Save money for camera, laptop and holiday.

Didn't happen. However, I've set a short term goal for myself. In two months, if I'm still gung-ho about it, I'll go and get it.

8. Run.

Semi-happened. Just need to keep it up.

9. Lose fat, be healthy.

I've been eating a lot of salad lately. However, am addicted to junk again. So hard to lose the habit.

10. Be happy.

I really am.

Bodohs of #16

It's now time to move away from this safe haven called SK #16, a place I've lived for the past year, fabulously flaunting the idea of living freely and brilliantly as a final year student. Of my four years in LUCT, it was the fourth year that truly defined my whole university experience. Through my awesome house mates, I had a wonderful time and got to be myself, crazy, loud, lame joker and most of the time without sense. I used to tell my best friends back home, when I leave uni, there won't be any people that I will miss. It wasn't that people weren't nice, it's just that no one really left a mark.

But my experience with the crazy bunch in #16 enabled me to take back those words. Leaving this house is easy, it's separating from these people that is hard.

Dear Jet, excuse my ease with and constant poking fun at you. It was all in good humour, right?

Dear Ting Ting, it was destressing just barging into your room and kacau you for no good reasons. Thank you for putting up with me.

Dear Shiau Fong, I have never met anyone that has yet to rival you when it comes to being nice. Don't be so nice can or not??? But then again, never change, you're great the way you are!

Lastly, my 最佳損友, Ms 541. I can finally be rid of your awful influence! And yet, I'll miss you the most. Thank you for laughing with me all these while.

We will all be working now, going our separate ways, meeting new house mates. I really don't know how long this friendship will last. Just a while ago, while packing, I threw away a musical ceramic thing from some really good friends couple of years back. Back then, it felt like we could say anything to each other. And now, I could just throw away the present without the slightest guilt, maybe just a tinge of regret of what could have been.

No one can tell what is to become of friendships years down the road. All I can say now is, come what may, it has been grand. Thank you, bodohs of #16!

Why I Blog

You're reading this post most probably through subscribing to this blog with a reader or directly clicking on my blog's link on any blogroll. The point is you're reading this voluntarily and not because I shove the link into your face. This is the reason why I feel more secure putting down my thoughts here as opposed to sharing it on Facebook or Twitter. Mypencilstories is my own tiny niche in the world wide web, mine but far from being private. You are reading what I chose to write. You are reading because you wanted to and I never asked you to. So pray tell, if you're ever offended by my thoughts, why should I care? Well, that has always been my rationale regarding freedom in blogging. But this thought has been slightly altered as of late.

How blogging started for me.

I think I started blogging in... Form3? I discovered it in Friendster, "Thoughts of Shy Goghvinci". Through blogging I discovered my ease with words and the ease words bring me. I find it easier to pour out my feelings by rapidly tapping on the keyboard. But the ease of feelings doesn't just stop there, it comes from the assuring fact that there are people reading and maybe, just maybe, someone reading cares.

Blogging from those days earned me the understanding of an important friend. I think having read my words allowed her to learn more about me thus bridging the gap between us. I am not easy to understand as a person, I sometimes purposely make it hard. But through my blog, I am glad she managed to see me. Yes, Adrienne, I'm talking about you (or didn't you realise this?).

For myself.

I blog simply for myself. Okay fine, I blog initially for the attention. I like reading people's comments. I like the interaction that happens. But soon I realised I don't have that many readers anyway so it gradually became I blog for myself. For my deteriorating memory. Like really. When I tried to recall what happened in Form Six, all I could remember was my horrid results. I don't remember details. Reading back on old old posts allows me to travel back through time and read for myself the person I was then.

Gah. I can't even remember what class I was in in Form3!

For design.

This blog only ever become active back when I was in Year2. It was then when I realised I can blog so much more about the mundane happenings in my life. I can blog about the things I've learnt about design and the work I did. With this blog, I record most of my creative processes and my growth as a designer. With a name I love and can totally relate to, "Pencil Do The Thinking" became both my personal and design blog.

For friends.

Blogging is an extraordinary way to keep in touch with friends. Once, I had this group blog with five other friends. We update it frequently with things that happened, thoughts and opinions on anything and everything. I have lost count on the number of times I was touched by the motivation, encouragements and love carried across to me by mere words. But like everything else good, our shared passion for the blog slowly ebbed away. The fact remains the experience was something I'll never exchange for anything else.

For readers.

Did I mention I love the attention blogging gives me? When you're here, reading about me, well, the starring role naturally belongs to me, right? I don't have many readers, I think I mentioned this before too. But for however little there is of you out there, I sometimes blog with you in mind. Not often, but it happens.

Blogging with discretions.

Oh, and a concluding paragraph to my opening. Once I felt that a blog is one's personal space where one can just rant and write and pour all out without qualms. You chose to read this. I didn't force you. That's my rationale. But I've come to see what blogging without discretions do to a person.

I read about people who rant non-stop. Post after post full of anger and frustrations. And then I find my perception of that person changed. I don't mind the ranting and all those negativities, you have every right to say what you want, but at what price? People look at you differently. As much as you think there's nothing wrong with saying anything you want on your own page, from that moment onwards, people will think differently of you.

Some might say they don't care what people think. When you show yourself losing control of your emotions, you are actually showing people your vulnerabilities. As much as I let people read about what I do on a day-to-day basis, I can't stand to let random strangers know my real thoughts. This is the main reason why I will blog with discretions. To protect myself.

Lastly, blogging is good for the soul. =)

Ah Pui and Ah San

Whoa! Post long time in coming!

Two of my bestest friend in the whole wide universe has graduated. Weeee~~~~ (erm... about a couple of months back kut)

I was the first one to go into Uni but the last one to grad (that is if I even manage to, hah!).

I missed your big moment, Rui, I was too busy conquering the highest peak in Malaysia. I hope I've sorta redeemed myself by being there for Hooi Fong on her big day. But truth be told, I happen to think convocation's like a big waste of energy, an elaborate show put up just for the sake of the family. Dear all, when I graduate, please, I'd like cash rather than bouquets of flowers that'll wither and die on me the next day.

Gah. Went a little off track there.

I've come to realise there are details about the two of you that I may not be able to answer. Details that one will only know if we see each other constant enough. Gone were the days when we were there all the time for one another, physically. I predict the coming years will be an even bigger challenge and will take a bigger toll on our friendship. Career probably does that better than university.

But I know no matter where we are, we have threads in common. There are not many people I can turn to in times of doubts and frustrations. You can bet your sorry ass I will not turn into one of those so-called adults that when asked where are your old friends and will answer, "Don't know. Lost contact long ago."

All the best my friends, in your future endeavors. I fervently wish we do not be complacent in our lives too early, well, at least not until we are fifty! Have faith and dive, one wise friend once told me. Let's all do that. I think we'll turn out rather brilliantly.

We cannot be otherwise.

The Reasons I Got Broke

Weee~ content in this post should have span several posts for these things happened through several months (from March to May, to be exact). I guess the lazy bug caught, and I just never got around to posting them. O well, let me finish in one shot tonight then!

Back in March, I think, Rui came for a visit! This was her last visit to me as a student. The next time she comes, she'll be a legit working adult! (I bet if you're reading this, Rui, your face will be scrunched up in denial) Ever since I've finished my internship, I've always wanted my friends to pay me a visit. This time around, not only do I have a car to ferry them anywhere, I also know some really good places for good food and I actually know the way there!

There was this one time I went hiking to Broga hill with some of my classmates. Once I saw the view up there, I knew this place is a keeper! That's why when Rui said she was coming, I warn her in advance to bring sneakers along, coz we'll be going hiking!

This is us. Smelly and stinky up on Broga. We even recorded a stupid video for Hooi Fong. Hah... not to be posted in public.

On her last day here, we didn't actually have any plans. This was when David buzzed and asked if I'll be interested in seeing him compete in a culinary competition. Have you ever seen one such competition live? I didn't know what to expect, surely nothing as glorious as those shown on food channels. We went to the new Taylor Lakeside campus and saw for ourselves how aspiring chefs compete against one another. We were even allowed into the kitchen so long as we don't disturb the contestants.

While David was busy with cooking (that's him in black), we were busy taking pictures of ourselves. The whole thing was pretty cool, with him winning the title of 'Potato King' in the end (the sponsor's some potato product)! It's not easy for him to be there in Taylors to pursue his dream as a chef. Therefore, for him to achieve his first success in this field, I was feeling proud and happy for him too!

We have a bunch of Georgians in KL. Whenever we're back in Penang and meet for a gathering, we'll gush all over about how long we haven't seen one another and asked enthusiastically where each other is currently situated, and the mutual answer will be KL. It's so silly how everyone's here but nobody ever really made the effort for a meet-up. So there's this one time when Kar Yee, Shan Yin and I arranged something on Facebook. We invited a whole bunch of people, but in the end, only six of us turned up. For a first time, I would say it's a good number! It's small enough for us to gossip among ourselves, and big enough for us to see people we haven't seen ever since Form Five (hi Melissa!).

This meeting was awesome for it broke the ice for us, Georgians in KL. Now we don't hesitate in calling each other out to chill. Well, I do hope there'll be more such meetings in the future. (Sunway Lagoon!!)

Remember that Lamborghini design I posted back some months ago? The result was out sometime last month. I won honorary mention! Will be cashing in my RM500 soon, but it'll be o-so-cool if I were to win the grand prize. I SO totally know what I'm gonna do with 5k! But RM500 is still good, though I think I've spent it all on stupid things (yes, you read right, I've spent all the money I've yet to receive. I'll be a champion when I actually own a credit card).

Me and my classmates who made it to the top ten. Yay BPD7~!

Thank you Kar Yee for these passes to the Cleo's Bachelor Night. It was my first time to such an event and it was great spending the night with these girls going oooo-gaga over some of those reallllyyy hot guys on stage. Yoke Mun, #2 that looked like some Korean dude with the hot British accent. Shze Li and I totally agree #44's the best looking of them all. Awesome body, gorgeous looks. Too bad he didn't win.

We managed to get a picture with the winner. We were outside, and he was just sitting there waiting for an interview. He was already on the magazine cover prior to this night, so I guess he was the favourite to win? He looked so different from the cover! The magic of photo manipulation! He still looked good near, but not as smooth and air brushed as he seemed on the cover.

Tres came down for the weekend so that we can go together to KL Design Week. I went last year with 41 to one of the design conferences, it was awesome to see some of the biggest names in the industry speaking. The conferences this time around was not as tempting coz I didn't exactly recognize the names. Maybe I should just read up more.

Anyway, since she will only be here for the weekend, that means we'll only have the whole of Saturday to ourselves. With limited time, we managed to visit Capsquare and the National Art Gallery. Capsquare was where they display student artworks and where designers go about selling their works. It was a colourful and varied display of things. However, it was most probably due to it being the first day that we were there, many of the stalls were not really ready and no one bothered to explain to us what any of the things were about. I was expecting interaction with the designers or maybe just a more friendly reception. We went away pretty disappointed. But, like I said, maybe it's due to it being first day.

We then made our way to the National Art Gallery where the Japanese designs will be exhibited. The place was a total bore and a waste of time. The illustration exhibition was basically just works printed on A4 paper, mounted on the wall with the illustrator's name stick below the artwork. There was nothing else. I might as well just get myself an IDN. At least I get to read interviews with designers and know what the whole process behind the work was. Too bad for Tres, she came all the way from Penang just to be totally flabbergasted by the poor exhibition.

But what she lost in the exhibition, we made it up in conversations and just hanging around with David. After a whole day of running around KL to see the exhibitions, we ended the day by going for Iron Man 2 in Midvalley. It was always great entertainment seeing that two poking fun at one another. We were there pretty late for midnight show, most of the shows were sold out. We waited an hour just for the uncollected reserved seats to be opened for selling. There we were, at the counter, with the time exactly on the dot and those seats were opened. Excitedly, we pointed our fingers to three really good seats, still unsold. The dude hesitated, saying he couldn't sell them until his manager nod his head. We were flustered, demanded an explanation since the reserved seats are already open. He seemed to be put in a tight spot until the manager said to all of them at the counter that they can sell the seats already. The moment our tickets were printed, we were laughing at the craziness of the situation. It was fun and silly at the same time to be so excited over buying great seats for a sold out blockbuster, midnight show summore!

It was always fun and spontaneity with these two. We reached my place at about 3a.m. We then woke up at six, picked up David from his place at about 7a.m. just to eat dimsum. It was fun for Tres and I coz after eating we get to go back and sleep. The poor guy had to go back to work all day on his feet. This was one of the best time spent with her. In a way, I guess I got to know this lil cousin sis of mine more.

Since the bunch of them were away in London, 41 and I were spending the days away as if we were still having breaks. One day, we decided to treat ourselves to good Japanese food and good movies back-to-back. We decided on Echoes of the Rainbow and Ip Man 2. I wanted to watch the former coz there's Sandra Ng and it has won many awards. However, being skeptical about award-winning shows, they all tend to be artsy and slow in pace, we decided to watch it before Ip Man 2. We were pretty sure Ip Man is gonna be the better movie thus if we were to watch Echoes of the Rainbow later, we'll be bored.

Oh my God. How wrong we were. We stayed until we were the last two in the cinema after Echoes of the Rainbow ended. The sleeves of my cardigan were wet with tears. Our eyes were too red and puffy from crying watching the show! I haven't cried so much watching a movie since Taegukgi in Form 5. The movie's really simple and nostalgic. It's not tragic or anything, just really touching and sad. Do yourself a favour and go watch this if it's still showing. It's really really good.

Ip Man 2 on the other hand was kinda disappointing. Maybe I was expecting too much? True, his kung fu moves still awe me. Even better than part one, I think. But this time around, the plot's a little too cliche. Even the villain's generic and without depth, unlike the Japanese general from part one.

Lastly, Eve's exam ended, she's now practically a graduate, so we went for a celebratory shopping spree and posh dinner. We went to Sungai Wang and Time Square to shop like lunatics. Thanks to her, I'm kinda broke for the remaining of the month. Thanks to her, I've bought some things I'm sure I'll never wear but would love just an occasion to show them off.

The dinner was also to celebrate her birthday. This girl has something against people celebrating her birthday out of obligation, so she didn't tell those people she worked with. I understand that, coz I sorta have the same perception too.

So there we were, tired and totally satisfied with our purchases, quickly made our way to Alexis in Ampang. We even dressed up prettily for the occasion too. I specifically chose there coz I wanted her to try the tiramisu, which was awesome. Plus, they have a live band performance which I thought we could enjoy while talking. In the end, the cakes were really good, but the live band was kinda too loud to warrant any proper conversations. So we made our way out barely fifteen minutes into the performance.

We ended up driving around anywhere and everywhere just talking random things in the car. This was really basically what made a good night out. Not great food, not posh restaurants, not live bands. It was a great company, quiet night outside and good music playing on the radio.

I do look forward to when Eve moves to KL sometime in June. I can already imagine the expensive things we're gonna get ourselves into. *evil laughter echoed off into the distance*

And I'm ending this incredibly long post with a picture of me and my brother. Just because we rarely have a picture together and this is one that turned out kinda nice.

My Mom

It was Mother's Day yesterday, 9 May. Coincidentally, Mom got back from Europe on the same day. That's why I went over to KLIA to meet her on her transit to Penang. I haven't seen her for about a month, and we were together there in KLIA for about three hours. It'll be another month before I'll see her again back home. By then, I'll be welcoming my new niece to the family!

What have you done yesterday to show your appreciation for your mother? A lot of people I know are shy or rather, felt awkward, in professing their appreciation and love either verbally or physically. When they were asked when was the last time they hugged their mom, they'll give me this bug-eyed look, as if the thought was never to be contemplated. I understand why they felt that way. I figured as we all grew up, hugging and kissing our own mother seemed like such an embarrassing thing to do. I guarantee that if anyone were to show these affections to their moms out of the blue, their moms' reaction will be also another bug-eyed look, saying 'What happened to you?' or 'What do you want?'. However, I can also guarantee that beneath all these outward appearance of confusion, these moms are also feeling warm and secretly happy.

My mom's the most important figure in my life. She's the source of all my material needs, giving me all the things I want if she could afford them. Of all the things my mother has given me, the one I treasure the most is her trust in me. With this trust, I am allowed to come pursue my studies in LUCT and to shape my own life away from her. She has never understood what is it that I am doing right now. She will never understand how I am going to make a living with graphic design. Despite these, she still let me.

For my batch of friends, most of them are graduating soon, in the coming month or so. So many have told me of their plans to pursue a career or a masters overseas. Some of them are free to go, without obligations and a care in the world, and some are tied down by family responsibilities no matter how much they want to fly. I am lucky enough to belong in the former group because of my mom. I believe no matter how far I want to take my dreams, I'll still have to be deeply rooted in my home. Just like a great big tree with long branches that stretch out into the skies, it'll have to have big roots that dig deep into the earth that'll give it the support and nourishment to grow. For me, my family is my root. It is only with my mom's permission and trust that I can reach far away into the skies.

Before this I've been taking it for granted that I am my own person, free to do anything and go anywhere on my own. Little did I realise I am only allowed these liberations because of my mom.

ps: I've just received this sms from my mom: "First time in my life I am late for work coz I overslept." LOL!!

pps: As much as I love my mom, I cannot stand her knowing about this blog and reading all about my thoughts. Random strangers I don't know can read about my innermost thoughts. But not my mom. Hah. Go figure.

Yesterday also marked the fifth anniversary of the saddest day in my life. I love you too, Loutao. =)

Anita Mui's Farewell Concert 2003

I have no idea why but I suddenly had this urge to look for Anita's last concert performance, where she wore a wedding dress. I've never watched this so this was my first time actually hearing what she said during this last performance. It made me think how quickly we assume how our future will be and take for granted that we have all the time in the world.

While watching this video of the duet with Jacky Cheung, tears flowed when I was following the lyrics. No idea why I'm being so sentimental. Cari pasal watch something that made myself cry.

Oooo~ and then I saw that Eason Chan was a guest at the concert too! I figured he was kinda new then? But Anita mentioned that he has a great voice which he must know how to put into good use. Given time, we will see what a great singer he will become. How right she was.

Her last song. What was it like for her fans to be there, listening to this last song, knowing, it's their idol's last song, ever?

One Down, More to Go

From Standard 1Zamrud, to becoming Georgians, to you going off to KL first then Australia, coming back, then leaving again for eternally (at least it seemed like a long-term thing for me) and now, finally, graduation.

We have gone through so much mushy stuff, Adrienne, you should know better than I do. We even recalled it so many times, every time you're back, we talk about the past. Having a shared past makes us closer, or it might be something we hung on to, so that the bond between us won't just fizzle and die due to distance and separation. I have lost count of the number of times when someone said, 'Let's keep in touch.' You taught me keeping in touch relied nothing on just saying, but actually taking actions. We blogged together, we chatted on MSN together, I shared things with you when it seemed as if no one else could understand.

We even had dreams together. (And I often bragged about having a friend who's a Petroleum Engineer. Sounds so cool~) Our dreams are different now, just as how our paths separated since I-don't-remember-when. As much as people love reminding us that dreams are unrealistic and how naive our thoughts are, I believe they are only saying that because they are people who failed to pursue their dreams to the end. I still believe in dreams and passion and ambition. My wish is that you do too.

You've graduated. It seemed so huge and scary to me. And yet, it's about time. I've personally gotten sick of studying.

The roads ahead are going to be tough. When and if you're swayed by uncertainties, challenges, hardships and tears, know that I'm gonna be here for you. An old friend from home.

Chin up and smile your silly grin, it's time to conquer the world. =)

And you look fetching in purple! Picture credits from your friend's album. I stole your pics from there. Heh.

USM Final Year Exhibition

I went back to Penang last weekend to catch two very good friends' final exhibition. They both study in USM doing product design and new media respectively. We are friends made closer from taking up Pendidikan Seni in Form 6. It was with them when I first painted a huge-kick-ass canvas and won third place (my first and only artsy win outside of school), together we slaved over projects and art homework, together we stayed back in school cooped up in the art room raiding the supply room. Good times.

Leng is special in her own unique way, and I mean this in the worst way possible. (LOL!! She'll so kill me if she read this.) I don't know about you, but I think we all have our own rivals to push us to perform better in life. For me, at that time in my life, I've labelled Leng my rival(ask her about me and she'll probably say 'kok-quin-who??'). A-hem, we both do well in art class, the art teacher seemed to always measure the both of us against one another. Surprisingly, we work very well together too. There was this time when we were both in charged of designing stuff for graduation night (back in those days when yours truly have no idea at all how to function Illustrator). We both happy procrastinated to the very last minute, panicked to the core together then finally, fused our brain to hit the deadline on the spot.

Leng is an awesome person who will do well in anything she chose to do. She chose product design, which she ultimately hated, but as you can see in the picture, we were sitting on her design, a shoe chair. And that piece of work's really cool. She was the only one among the graduates there to be specially praised by the dean. Heck, I was one proud friend when I heard that.

Lo and behold Kee Theng. Her work is very conceptual based on the 'secret of life' which is the law of attraction. She alone managed to build up this whole installation almost all on her own, plus spending a bomb. I knew she was under a lot of pressure during this whole period. It was awesome seeing her finally putting everything together and managed to pull through it all.

She might not be the most confident person in the room that day, but she's definitely the bravest to attempt her project. Others in her course are satisfied with doing simple flash for show, but she'll have to go make herself take up such a daunting challenge. In the end, it was all definitely worth it.

Congratulations, girls!!

All these made me think about my own exhibition end of the year. Ugh. Scary thought.

For pictures of other works I've taken that night, check out my Facebook album.

Of Anger and Bittersweet Memories

Tonight I was brought face-to-face with my anger. My anger is quiet, seething. I was not sure it's even there until I felt it react to the slightest provocation. I didn't think I cared before and even made excuses for the insensitivities. This is what I call giving up in slow-mo. I simply... do not care and will not make effort, anymore?

*****

It was the same place where memories were built. Things took a change for the better. This time, I didn't reminisce in bitterness and wallowed in self-mockery. This time, I recalled for how these moments were meant to be. They made me smile, albeit sadly. Nevertheless, they made me smile.

Love Notes on the 9th

I am twenty-three this year. Oh my God... sounds so old. My aspirations? Live my twenties to the brim!! I have seven more years to fill with great adventures before I hit thirty. Seven years that I intend to fill with love, passion, hard work, perspiration, blood, tears, and laughter. In short, living my life as honestly splendid as I can. (not that there's no more life in thirties, but i'll leave that part to when i actually get there)

The following are little love notes I got on Facebook that just made me smile endlessly. Little notes that really, just made my day. Last year, I got similar birthday greetings on my wall. What I did was just quickly read through everything and post one thank you note in my update, addressing everyone who wished me 'happy birthday'. Wishes on my wall bored me then.

But this year, I do not know what filled me with sudden gratitude for everyone that actually took half a minute off their routine, just to send me a little note. Some of these are short customary greetings, while others are heartfelt. By replying every single one of them personally, there was this short moment when I get to relive memories I have with that person. I'll remember who they are, in which period of my life have I met them, and what was the most memorable thing about them. I think I am really getting old. Haha...

wacky people with wacky notes =)

heartfelt notes from people who know me all my life

ex-colleagues that still remember me

strangers in my life that cared, even for that small moment

Nothing is different. A birthday is just another day spent pampering myself, allowing myself to binge and making extra valid excuses not to do work.

Thank you 41, Shiau Fong, Ting Ting, Stella and Jet for spending the whole day with me. Thank you for the company, the food, the present, the cake, and the everything. Really. Thank you. =)

Encapsulated Time

And there it is. Four years. Tonight, we put a closure to this amazing experience.

It's not the end, just, a promise.

Happy Tiger Year!

I absolutely love Chinese New Year.

To me, Christmas (from a non-Christian POV) and New Year are times to celebrate with friends by having great dinner in some posh place and having a blast with each other by partying through the night.

Chinese New Year on the other hand is totally different. It is a traditional moment celebrated with family filled with long cultivated traditions and practices. CNY is all about being loud, bright and binging on food.

I often get from people saying how the CNY mood is lacking. I got this every year from different people. Maybe the problem is not in the mood surrounding those people, but lies within themselves. I believe that the anticipation for CNY is directly proportional (wee! physics term still usable) to the amount of preparation done for the celebration.

The CNY tradition is seeped deeply within my family. Every year we do almost the same thing, without fail. It's traditions like these that we kept doing yearly that made CNY exciting. My favourite part in all these has never been on the first day of CNY. On the contrary, they are the days leading to the new year. I love the preparation and anticipation for the moment rather than the moment itself.

Every year, on the last day of the year (Chinese calendar), I will accompany my mom to the market very early in the morning before the sun rises. This is to get parking and to be in the market before the crowd gets in. Mom will then get all the stuff that cannot be bought earlier, ingredients that cannot be kept for too long a time. I like how when it's so early in the morning, everything has a tinge of blue all over.

I love the crowd during CNY. You can find people everywhere from shopping for new clothes in malls to buying new year groceries in TESCO to getting all kinds of fresh food products in the market. I especially appreciate the atmosphere in the market with a blend of different kinds of people. There are vendors trying to sell all kinds of things from hair accessories to pots and pans, a final rush in capitalizing from the new year crowd. There are also market sellers, all swearing up and down that their prices are the cheapest. And of course, there are us consumers, all trying to find the best bargains, thrilled by all the price competitions going around.

CNY is all about being RED and LOUD! Everywhere you turn you'll see something red and shiny. Some might regard these as gaudy and old fashioned but I see it as tradition that forms the foundation of CNY. During this time, goodwill becomes something that you can buy. Buy an image of the God of Prosperity and stick it to the front door thus good luck will follow all year round. Buy something red to wear on the first day to start off the year on the right note. Buy mandarin oranges to symbolize a basket of wealth. To me, all these has nothing to do with superstitions. It's not something that I will have to strictly follow or otherwise I will have bad luck. These are simply things that I do because they are right. The new year is after all a clean slate and I will want to start it off in the best way possible. So what if it has to do with wearing red and not sweeping the floor on the first day?

Did I mention the food during CNY? My family has a tradition of baking our own cookies. Mom is actually famous among the relatives for her awesome-goodness butter cake. There are meat floss spring roll, cornflake cookies, peanut cookies, chocolate chip cookies, pineapple cookies and deep fried crab stick strips. All these we make. For those that we buy there are cartons and cartons of Shandy, beer, Coke, Chrysanthemum, F&N drinks, Pop, boxes and packets of chips, chocolates, sweets, peanuts, nuts. The best thing about all these is not that we can binge as much as we want, but that we get the same thing at every house we pay a visit to!

CNY is all about spreading goodness and goodwill. Kids are given blessings from adults to excel in studies and to grow up healthily while adults wish good health and longevity to their elders. There is the unending and incessant greetings of 'Gong Xi Fa Cai' left and right, all wishing everyone a prosperous new year.

Chinese New Year is the best time to be with family. And as you're reading this, I'd like to wish everyone a glorious time spent with the family this coming new year.

HUAT ARR!!

Thoughts on a Solitary Night

There was one night when I didn't want to go home. The night ended fairly early, and home was the last thing on my mind. I think the caffeine in my blood played a part in this inspired-restlessness.

So I drove. Rather aimlessly. Over the bridge and back. Paid RM7 needlessly. Burnt one bar of petrol. O well. I've always wanted to be... doing nothing spontaneously. Hah.

*****

"Sipper" - Definition: A person who is a temporary time-filler until appointed date arrived, in which so-said 'sipper' will be asked to leave.

I am no one's "sipper". Umph.

*****

Coffee has this amazing effect of pumping your blood and set you on a temporary high. I finished painting my wall after so-said high. All the while coffee only managed to make me sleepy. This revelation was both terrifying and exhilarating.

*****

Spontaneity is liberating. Telling yourself the right time will come or setting a time limit for creating milestones are simply lame excuses to hold yourself back. Questions will not push you forward, only holding you back. But if you really have to ask, ask this: "Why not?"

*****

The best way to learn swimming is to start at the deep end. Does it really matter if things didn't work out the way you intend them to? I can still afford to have nothing to lose. Failure is, after all, how one gains experiences.

*****

The day has come when I look at the phone and he did not cross my mind.

"It's not about what he said, but what he did. Actions do speak louder than words. And oh yeah. Memories are deceiving."

Tale As Old As Time...

I was putting away things in my new room. Just like before, I came across some of my old stuff that I will only get the chance to look at once a year - when it's spring cleaning. A long post full of toys and love letters today. Good memories. Enjoy~

My first Eason Chan concert!

Love letters over the years from friends. Best friends!

And the day ended with a brilliant sun shining through. =)