2012 Resolutions

Wokay, let's recap last year's resolution:

1. Be happy. Despite all the let downs, I was happy.

2. Learn how to make things move. Hell yeah!!

3. Learn how to code (pass if I can make my own website). Fail kao kao.

4. Illustrate. In terms of work, I did a lot. But in terms of developing my existing skills to a higher level, no.

5. Read 50 books in 2011. I lost count. But am certainly didn't.

6. Start and finish my Eason Chan artbook. Didn't start at all.

7. Save money for camera, laptop and holiday. (so not gonna happen, at least not all three at the same time) No camera, no laptop, but I committed to TWO holidays, which I have yet to have the money to go on.

8. Run. Hell yeah!!!

9. Lose fat, be healthy. Came a bit late in the year, but yeah, I did this. At least I started.

10. Be happy. I am.

Come to think of it, I think I did pretty good for last year's resolution. But then again, I merely accidentally achieved most of it. It's not like I remembered these all the while and strive to achieve them. Why even make resolutions if they don't work? New years have this magical ability to make everything feel brand new, as if we could wipe all the bad things off and make a clean slate. For me, new years are about having new hope and dreams. Or rather, renewed chances to make my dreams come true.

Foolish it may be, but I kinda like resolutions, so this is my list for this year:

1. Save half my salary every month. Be frugal. Really stingy! (not possible for Jan, CNY costs a lot of ka-chink)

2. Learn HTML.

3. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week. (yup, I have an effing gym membership)

4. Draw. Draw. Draw.

5. Start a new blog on design.

6. Be more focused in work. Thus leave work at 7pm when possible. (yea rite, of course, whatever)

7. Start my pet project.

8. Be good and practice more patience with a certain someone.

9. Earn more money.

10. Be happy.

If you realise this whole list is basically all about work. I wanna make work something enjoyable again. Away from the office, I want work to be a joy again. Leave work early, and go make art.

To Appraise

It has been three months from my first day of work. I had my probationary appraisal done and was a bag of nerves before it. I wasn't really confident if I performed well and at the same time I was very eager to know what they think of me.

At first, the group head did the appraisal with me. I guess the questions were pretty standard where I was asked a lot of questions about my experience with the company, how I think I performed and where I think I can improve. It was more like a sharing session where he got to know about my experience and I can get some of my questions answered.

After that first session I was suddenly called again to have a talk with my direct superior. It felt a little out of the blue. He sat me down in the chill room and invited me to share about my thoughts. We had a brief talk about me, him and the company. It was awesome in a way coz after coming out from the room, I was pumped to do better for myself.

All this sharing got me thinking about what I want to do for the rest of the year. A quarter of the year has passed and I am not really quite near to achieving my goals. I know 2011 is going to be hard. This is not a year to talk about reaching high and be ambitious. This year is about me sharpening my technical skills and learn as much as I can from the really great people around me.

I love working for several reasons. The best of all was being given real responsibilities, real work. It bemused me sometimes when they will just throw a job at me regardless of whether or not I know how to do it. From here, I can either do very poorly or do fine, learning along the way. It's all really cool. Another reason I like where I am right now is the people. Clearly they are good in what they do. So I think I am in an enviable position where I get the opportunity to work closely with them.

During the appraisal, Mr. Direct Superior asked me what is it that I love. Do I love design? Where does my passion lie? What is it exactly that I want?

These are questions that stumped me. I can tell you I like design. Very much. I happen to think I am of the lucky few in this world where my day job is actually my passion. Graphic design doesn't pay well for fresh grads. I am willing to endure this for I know pay will get better if only I am willing to start (I hope).

However, I have come to realise that only talking about how much I like something are merely words. If really I am passionate about something, I will be willing to sit down and just work at it. Hack hours and hours away in honing my skills. I have always believed that passion triumphs talent. But I question how passionate am I really in this. Surely where I am standing right now doesn't show what I have been saying all these while.

I cannot see where I will be in a few years' time. But I can dream of that destination. Nothing is impossible if only I start. Stop looking around and concentrate on myself.

Remaining three quarters of 2011. I am committing myself to three things:

1. Know Flash

2. Know Web

3. Illustrate

To be where I want to be, I will need to begin. So when I question myself again, I will know the answer.

First Quarter

Quarter of the year has passed, how have you lived yours?

I made some resolutions beginning of the year, surprisingly I did make some progress.

1. Be happy.

I am content with what I have right now. Starting to fall into the routine of a working adult and getting used to the company. So yea, am good.

2. Learn how to make things move.

I know Flash! I've learnt some basic animation skills in Flash, thanks to doing a lot of banners at work. Though what I know is nothing to shout about, I do think it's an accomplishment for myself.

3&4. Learn how to code and illustrate.

Didn't happen.

5. Read 50 books in 2011

It's only March and I've hit 13 books. Progress is on track.

6. Start and finish my Eason Chan Artbook.

Didn't happen.

7. Save money for camera, laptop and holiday.

Didn't happen. However, I've set a short term goal for myself. In two months, if I'm still gung-ho about it, I'll go and get it.

8. Run.

Semi-happened. Just need to keep it up.

9. Lose fat, be healthy.

I've been eating a lot of salad lately. However, am addicted to junk again. So hard to lose the habit.

10. Be happy.

I really am.

The Perfect Sunday

Finally there's internet in my new place and also finally, being able to blog in my own time, in complete privacy.

The perfect Sunday:

Waking up on my own accord and not due to the alarm.

Leisurely shopped for groceries and not having to worry about buying fresh produce coz there's a new fridge in the house.

Cooked lunch albeit failed pasta sauce.

It rained cats and dogs and for once, I am indoors, looking out at the congested Kota Damansara traffic and thinking, "Luckily I didn't go out."

Huddled under my cozy comforter on a gloomy rainy afternoon.

Finished a book "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" over dinner. I finished half of the book in one day. The first half was slowly read over the span of two weeks, often at night when I was too tired to manage more than a chapter.

Restored my iPod and it now has 24GB worth of songs in it.

Today was good. Totally ready for tomorrow.

Bodohs of #16

It's now time to move away from this safe haven called SK #16, a place I've lived for the past year, fabulously flaunting the idea of living freely and brilliantly as a final year student. Of my four years in LUCT, it was the fourth year that truly defined my whole university experience. Through my awesome house mates, I had a wonderful time and got to be myself, crazy, loud, lame joker and most of the time without sense. I used to tell my best friends back home, when I leave uni, there won't be any people that I will miss. It wasn't that people weren't nice, it's just that no one really left a mark.

But my experience with the crazy bunch in #16 enabled me to take back those words. Leaving this house is easy, it's separating from these people that is hard.

Dear Jet, excuse my ease with and constant poking fun at you. It was all in good humour, right?

Dear Ting Ting, it was destressing just barging into your room and kacau you for no good reasons. Thank you for putting up with me.

Dear Shiau Fong, I have never met anyone that has yet to rival you when it comes to being nice. Don't be so nice can or not??? But then again, never change, you're great the way you are!

Lastly, my 最佳損友, Ms 541. I can finally be rid of your awful influence! And yet, I'll miss you the most. Thank you for laughing with me all these while.

We will all be working now, going our separate ways, meeting new house mates. I really don't know how long this friendship will last. Just a while ago, while packing, I threw away a musical ceramic thing from some really good friends couple of years back. Back then, it felt like we could say anything to each other. And now, I could just throw away the present without the slightest guilt, maybe just a tinge of regret of what could have been.

No one can tell what is to become of friendships years down the road. All I can say now is, come what may, it has been grand. Thank you, bodohs of #16!

What the Modern Woman Wants...

Got this in the email today from Mom. A very good read. Puts the mind into perspective when it gets too preoccupied with just materials.

***

What the Modern Woman Wants...
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen

The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it
careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap,
afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with
trembling hands she pulled the seat belt tighter but was careful not to touch
the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned
her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'

Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver
mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand.
'Finance', 'Liquidation', 'Assets', 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and
important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it.

Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television.
She was speaking in an American accent.
The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval...... 'I absolutely
cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as
she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping
onto the steering wheel in irritation.

'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the
phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat.. The mobile phone hit
the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She
calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter..

'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching
to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of
problems.'

The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and
important.

Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering
what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the
same cryptic look. The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful
digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.

'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman
cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling
her, how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones
being easily forgotten.

'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the
ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was
referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence
meant she did not comprehend.

'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!' The
old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in
defence.

The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked
almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old
woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall.
Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and
stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's
side.

'Ma, I'll wait outside.. I have an important phone call to make,'
she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she
knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.
Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these
years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a
young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a
swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her
love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man.
Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she
says... She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except
happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her
roots while reaping the harvest of success.

What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She
gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me
only because I affect her happiness.. A young woman does not want to be
hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.

The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes.
Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss
stick into an urn of smoldering ashes.

She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her
daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she
came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb,
bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a
girl. Her husband had ticked and punched her for producing a useless baby
who could not work or carry the family name.

Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied
to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have
everything she ever wanted.

Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never
have to depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a
great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A
woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman
who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to
speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen. She will not be
like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away
from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood..

She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl to one who
openly defied her, calling her laotu, old fashioned.... She wanted her
mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered
why she had prayed like that. The Gods had been faithful to her persistent
prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the
girl's roots and now she stood faceless with no identity, bound to the soil of
her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.

Her daughter had forgotten her mother's value. Her wants were so
ephemeral, that of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion
boutiques and yet her daughter had not found true happiness.
The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less.
When her daughter left the earth, everything she had would count for
nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman
but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt
paper convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes
and prayers for her daughter now that she had looked out of the temple gates.
She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and
worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one
way to go from there – down.

The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a
packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for
worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and
expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own
gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she enslaved to and
worshipped every day of her life.

Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped
counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly
suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty souless shell at the altar.
The old woman watched the joss stick. The dull heat had left a
teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing.

Modern woman nowadays, the old lady signed in resignation, as she
bowed to the east bone final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays
want so much that they lose their souls and wonder whey they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her
daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched
on her daughter's face.

An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of
her wants looking for the one thing that would sown the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove
along the highway, this time not to fast as she had done before.
‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. "I don't know how to put this.
Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big
house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer
willing to pay us seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier
penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road .. Once
we move into our apartment, we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have
more space to ourselves....."

The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. "We'd
get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out – but once the
maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully
lonely at home and, besides that the apartment is rather small. There won't
be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing
for you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang – it's a
Christian home and a very nice one."

The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. I"ve been there, the
matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of
old people to keep you company! Hardly have time for you, you'd be happier
there." "You'd be happier there, really." her daughter repeated as if to
affirm herself.

This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offering to
cling tightly to, she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would
protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into
the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag and her fingers trace the white
seat.

Ma, her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her
mother. "Is everything okay?

What had to be done, had to be done. "Yes" she said firmly,
louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more
quietly..

‘It's for you, Ma! You will be happier there. You can move
there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said
triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt
liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier... She
had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of
happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever
wanted; money, status, career, love, power and now freedom without her mother
and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down......

Yes she was free. Her phone butted urgently, she picked it up and
read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. "Stock 10% increase."
Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her and while
searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen,
the old woman in the backseat became invisible and she did not see her in
tears.

For 2011

Let's just say I failed rather brilliantly in keeping my 2010 resolution. Nevermind what it was now, thing is, I never stood by it. Upheld it for about two months, then no more. Life's too busy laa! Right.

For a while there I didn't feel like making any new resolutions for the new year. But then it struck me that it's not the resolution that matters (eg eat healthily, do not procrastinate, smile more etc) but rather the kind of attitude and frame of mind I am going to set myself into for the rest of the year.

I didn't fulfill my 2010 resolution which was, alright, commit myself to a design a day. However, I think I have lived the spirit of 2010, which was to go all out and simply be brilliant.

2011 shall mark the first year of me working as a professional designer. No more student designer bs. I am trying to get myself past pondering what I didn't get to do and focus instead on what I am going to do. This simple task has the magical ability to transform regrets and fear into anticipation and excitement.

For 2011, I am going to be brave.

Brave new environments.

Brave new people.

Brave new challenges.

Brave tough times.

Come what may, I will be brave!

I love what Rui seemed to be saying a lot these days: It will get better. I don't think 2011 will be easy but heck, it will be good. I will make it good.

Last Days of Semester 8

I did plan to show progress on the things I did for the final exhibition. But alas, I finished all advertising executions, portfolio book and promo items all in two weeks, with a major part of them all in the final week. There was simply no time to blog about anything. However, I did manage to snap some work in progress.

In the end I managed to pull off a port book, some coaster drawings, a CD sleeve and some stickers. Nothing fancy, but they did the work.

It was crazy. The exhibition. We weren't prepared at all for the rush that was gonna compel us. It was good fun going through all that with my classmates. At moments like these, you'll come to appreciate those people that you can turn to with a request and they'll just do it for you, no questions asked.

For my own part in the exhibition, I was quite disappointed with myself, for not being able to pull off the things I had in my head for the whole semester. For everything that I displayed during the exhibition, they were the bare minimum of what I had in mind. There was this trepidation in me, for I have asked a lot of people to come. My mom, all my closest friends. But then again, it was also because they are people closest to me that I didn't mind showing them my work. They'll understand.

Wokay... so my work wasn't that bad. Just, not, great. Hah.

I love my mom for being there. I seriously don't care a fig for convocation. Having her here for my exhibition was all I could asked for. When she was done perusing everything, I asked her what she thought, about my work and all. She was like "What is there to say? Aiya..." MOM!!! *facepalm*

Oooo... she got herself a new iTouch. One of the reasons I wanna go home. To play with this new gadget~!

And of course, nothing will be the same without these two crazies. Through thick and thin! Rui came all the way from Singapore for this. I was a bit sorry coz there really wasn't much to see on my side. All. The. Way. From. Singapore. But but but... she had to come!! She's OBLIGATED to come. Bah. Don't care. Thanks Rui!!

And Hooi Fong, for many times our crazy antics had her sacrificing sleeping time when she had to work the next day. Aih. So sorry. But but but... anticipate more of these in the future. Hahahah~

And not to forget, nutty Georgians on the move. Thank you, Chia Li, Chia Yinn, Evelyn, Kar Yee and Yueh Yih. Oh... and my cousin sis, Tres! Some came all the way from Penang just for this. And once again, I couldn't help but wish things were better. But at least you guys got some free cake from Fragments!

And o yeah... Tham, 41 and I attended the Kancil Awards Night on last Friday. We WON!! Merits and a bronze. My so-called one and only achievement to mark the end of my student life. I appreciated the night for the dinner we had on our own after leaving the awards. Just teasing and talking about random nothings. Thank you Tham and 41, you guys were fantastic team mates. I couldn't ask for anything better!

Woohoo~ I love my boots. Gotta get myself a new pair though. It's appearing too often in all my formal photos. Hahaha~

And on the last day of exhibition, when everything was cleared up and it was just us, there, with nothing much else to do.

Just a handful of the fantastic people I have met in my four years in LUCT. Funny, there weren't much photos taken during the whole exhibition. Maybe we were all just too busy running around trying to get our own things finished.

And so, that's it. Four years. Finished on a cloudy, gloomy evening. So many things happened and so many people were there. I wasn't able to absorb the moment. There is only this solitary picture to remind me of what I felt at that time.

All I could remember was a tinge of sadness. Is all.

Woes of September

It's not right to always put nice nice things in here. After all, this is my personal design blog that's supposed to keep track of everything I've done design-wise, feelings and struggles throughout the creative process and of course, self-criticism on my own work. I revel in showing my own designs here that I'm proud of. On the other end of the scale, I'm ashamed to show these sub-standard work. I know I am better than these. But by the end of me struggling to save the design, I simply thought numbly "I don't know how anymore."

Maybelline brief. Design a graphic to put on a bag. The brief is pretty loose, so long as it's able to portray the spirit of Maybelline and New York.

I did some shit first. Composed several images and sent it over to the lecturer for approval. But after I set about executing it, I gave up. I don't see the point in tracing over images with no real purpose in mind. Fine. Scrap that. Start over.

Then I did this ornate design thing. I love it. Really. But the feedback I got back from the lecturer was "I have nothing to say, hope the client like it." Well, that did not tell me much, did it? So I turned to some people I hope will be able to give my some honest feed back. The general consensus was it looked like stock vector (never mind the fact that I drew and traced it painstakingly in AI). And then there's the ever reliable Yueh Yih. Comments memang tak bagi muka one. I showed it to her, and she out right told me, "Re do." I was just trying to make pretty things, not thinking. I hated her. Must she be so honest, even if I asked for it? Every designer is fortunate to have such a jerk for a friend. Good for the soul. Strictly no sarcasm intended.

Then I proceeded to redo this thing. And finally came up with something I could have cried over by the end. It's like shit.

It's bad when I couldn't even look at it directly. I look at it from far far away and couldn't see a single thing. Handing in this work filled me with helplessness. I couldn't really blame this on procrastination. I had ample time. This time, I just couldn't pull it off. Maybe I was thinking too much when the simplest of graphic would be enough.

But for the heck of it, I am owning up to this work (but no way is this piece of crap going into my portfolio). Owning up to it as I would my other designs that put a beaming smile on my face.

Ahh... solemn solemn post. Better things will come. It has to.

Mid Year Recap

Today is already August. A bit off the mark for this mid-year recap thing. I've never apologized for putting off posts and I will not start now. I'd like to think in this blog, I answer to no one but myself.

Damn it's August already. First week of Semester 8 aka last semester has already started. I put off going back for a week because I promised Hooi Fong that I'll play the photographer in her convocation. Apparently skipping first week is no big loss due to LUCT's infamous inefficiency. I won't complain about it now for this predictability actually played in my favour this time around.

What have I done for the first half of twenty ten? Eve once asked me what my plans are for 2011, if I will be free to travel. I answered her, "I don't know what's going to happen in 2011, but I know 2010 is going to be a blast." So far, things have been going fairly well.

Friendship

I am beginning to lose friends I keep close at heart. It seemed funny how when we all graduated from secondary school and were scattered all across the nation and world, we put so much effort in maintaining our relationships. It seemed as if we were trying to proof that friendships last long distance. And we succeed for three or four years. There were emails, msn chats, Facebook updates, blog posts and comments. When everyone's back in home town, we can't wait to get together and just spend time together.

Now we've all approached another milestone: graduation; and the real threat is only now forthcoming: work. Only this time around, we couldn't care too much/less about secondary school friends. There's a new lifestyle to adapt to. Bosses to impress. Friendships that are sustained so far, are slowly neglected.

Why?

Family

There's a new addition to the family, Caryn! Niece #4. There's nothing like seeing kids growing up which makes me feel old.

Academics

Like I said, final semester is here. For the first time in the four years in LUCT, this is the first time I am looking forward to going back. There are so many things I want to do! Plus, this is also the first time I have awesome housemates waiting for me back in #16. I want to make our silly laughs last through this last four months together.

Design wise, I have a better idea formed in my head about the direction I need to be taking. This will be the last half a year for me to prove myself. There's a healthy amount of fear to keep me humble, but also brilliant shots of giddiness to bolster my confidence.

I wanna do good. Really good.

Love

Bah, what love? Though nothing exciting has happened to me, personally, lovey-dovey wise, I have bear witness to 'situations' happening to friends and people around me. It was interesting being in on all the stories, and I look forward to more drama unfolding.

And oh yeah, on a personal level, I am keeping count and it does feels just like yesterday. I can't help but do this to myself.

Personal Achievements

I CLIMBED THE HIGHEST PEAK IN MALAYSIA!!!!!!

Right. That's all. Hah.

Cheers peeps!! This here, to an invigorating last FIVE months of the year. Before you know it, it's Chinese New Year again. Mehhh.....

Journey to the Highest Peak in Malaysia

It all began with a simple question, "Has anyone been to Mount Kinabalu?" Due to Integriticity's spirit of "come larrr" and "let's go!" very soon we had a list of people going and Mike in-charged of putting every thing together. This trip was planned six months in advance, and truth be told, I wasn't thinking when I got myself into this. Prior to this, I went for training on and off with fellow team members, hikes round Bukit Kiara, up and down Batu Caves steps and also hiking in my own neighbourhood hill. As the date of the trip drew near, I had butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. I bored Rui and Fong with all my whining about not wanting to go and sorta scared my mom with my dread. Mom actually said if don't want to go don't go la, I'll pay for whatever you've paid. Dank the offer was tempting, but I knew as much as I dreaded this trip, I would have regretted it even more for giving up before it even started.

Day1

Met up with fellow Integricitizens in KLIA and met some new people, namely Mike's friends. From there, we took the plane to Sabah, my first time in East Malaysia. Guess what? It looked exactly like West Malaysia. Heh.

We checked into our lodgings in Kinabalu Park and I was pleasantly surprised to see how equipped the place was. Hot water, toiletries, towels and clean bunk beds. We had a buffet dinner there. I managed to get into the souvenir shop to buy some last minute stuff I didn't prepare ie. beanie and a pair of kampung adidas with excellent grip.

This was the lounge area we had at our lodgings. Nobody could enjoy this place much for we all slept pretty early to prepare for an early day.

The buffet dinner was good! It was good enough to take my mind off the real deal the next day.

Day2

A buffet breakfast was prepared. Everything looked so tempting but I controlled myself and only had three slices of toasts. I have a feeling if I binged, I'd most probably throw up on the mountains.

Before departing, we were briefed by our guide. The mist also cleared for us to get a good look at what we were up against.

When I packed from Penang, I was so prepared to bring everything I had up on my back. Then it so happened that a huge number of us actually planned to hire the porters to bring the stuff up for us. My bag was only 5kg, and I paid RM45 to get it portered. Since it was to be a two-way trip, and it left me light and easy with only my own stamina to concern about, I thought it was a very good deal. I understand my own capabilities and lugging a 5kg bag on my back up a mountain's not it.

There were two ways to go to Laban Rata, the three quarter point where we'll stop to rest before continuing to the summit. One was Timpohon which was a lot of steps but with shorter distance. The one we chose was Mesilau, longer with an extra 2km, supposedly easier coz it has less steps (total bull) and way more scenic than Timpohon. Just prior to starting the hike, it felt a bit like going on a roller coaster. I was definitely afraid of what's in store, yet I know it was the excitement I was looking for.

It was a grand achievement when I first saw the 0.5km mark. And then it hit me, another 7.5km to go. It was not as hard as I thought but it certainly wasn't easy either.

About halfway through it, I became somehow alone in the middle. There were some hard core climbers in front of me going on their merry way and I knew the other half of the group was behind me, pacing themselves.It was a good position to be in. It got a bit lonely walking on my own until I came to appreciate the stillness around me. There were many random strangers that passed me by. It was nice having random conversations with these people, especially the porters. They were amusing in the things they say thus lifting some of the dull off the hike. It was also during this time when I got to enjoy the best apple I've ever eaten.

The best thing about Mesilau trail was this stretch that looked like a hanging garden. Lose your balance and you might just find yourself dropping off either side of the ledge.

The only trouble I had was my loose socks. They kept slipping off my heels which resulted in a blister I had to bear the rest of the way.

It was beautiful when we reached Laban Rata. I was in a position where it's literal when I said I was looking down on clouds. I made pretty good time getting there. It took me eight hours to go through eight kilometres uphill. I was feeling really good about myself and was pumped up about the hike up the summit eight hours later.

Glorious food in Laban Rata. I was very hungry and tired. Any food will seem like it was prepared for a king. Or in my case, queen. Hah!

This picture below was the last I took of Day2, when it was nearer to sunset. I love how the clouds looked pink and cotton-candy-ish. I would love to be able to literally strip those clouds from the sky and pop them into my mouth.

Day3

It was damn freaking cold in our lodgings. Heater and hot water were out. We were all practically frozen in our bunk beds and could hardly sleep a wink. By 1am, we were all getting ready for the next part of the hike, which was to the summit. After breakfast, we began at about 3am or slightly later.

The deal was this: On our way up, there will be a check-point in Sayat-sayat about 1.5km away. Those that arrive later than 5am will not be admitted through the check-point, which means no climbing up the summit. Ideally, we will have to reach by 6am on the summit to catch the sunrise. Pffft.

It was tough for me, the first stretch of this trail. It might be I was already very tired from the hike up to Laban Rata or my stamina's really low when it comes to endless staircase or I ate too much for breakfast, I was left behind. I knew I was last coz the guide was walking behind me all the time. It was pitch dark and there was only light from my torchlight and the guide's headlight. I knew I wasn't making good time yet I still rest a lot to catch my breath and to take sips of water. I didn't fail to notice how beautiful the night sky was. Imagine standing on a very narrow ledge against a mountain's rock surface and when you look out into total darkness, there were millions and millions of stars shining. As I was standing there in awe of my surrounding beauty, I instinctively felt the guide mentally urging me on.

His words of wisdom were, "Biar lambat asalkan cepat." It meant taking small measured steps and short short breaks in between. At one point, I looked at my phone as was shocked to find the time to be 4.38am. According to the guide, I was 250m away from the checkpoint. Dank I got flustered but I refused to get pessimistic thinking I didn't get so far just to miss the stupid check point. It was at this time when the guide showed his superhuman powers. He grabbed hold of my hand and began leading me up the mountain surface. I didn't realise he intended to lead me like this all the way to the checkpoint. With his guidance, I was going along with his pace, taking very small steps but quickly. In the end, I managed to get to the check point in ten minutes, meeting both Lianne and Sonia there.

One hour to get to the summit was impossible. Okay, fine, it's possible, but not for me. The guide once again helped us to get there faster. The guide literally dragged both Lianne and I up to the base of Low's peak, the highest peak on the mountain (irony). He was like an incredibly steady tongkat that we could rely on to move forward. With him, I managed to pace myself better and was forced to go beyond my own limit. When I thought I needed to stop to take a break, he'll keep us moving and that's when I realised I could take more steps than I thought possible.

We didn't make it to the peak before sunrise. But I was able to witness for myself the first light of day and how all the dark silhouettes of the mountain came into view. Though I didn't exactly make it all the way up the summit on my own, I was proud to say I did make it up Low's Peak rocky surface myself. When I was up there on the highest point in Malaysia (by the way, I was the last person to reach the peak, hah!) taking all of nature's wonder in, I thought, dank, I made it. Hee.... I fucking made it!

When we made our way down, everything looked so beautiful in broad day light. It was a wonder how I made it up there, against all those rock surfaces. Heck, how?!

These were the awesome guides that helped us all the way. The one on the left was Joe, the guide who helped me along the way up to the summit. The one on the right was Primus, the guide/porter that I noticed lugged my bag up to Laban Rata for me. Awesome awesome people.

Below's my mandatory cheesy photo on the peak. I don't care. Have to snap a pic! Yea~!!

We made our way down the mountain through Timpohon trail, the one with a lot of staircases-like steps. It was pure torture for my tired muscles. And then it poured. By the end of it all when I finally reached the bottom again, I was tired, sleepy, moody, cold, wet and miserable.

From the highest of high I've sunk to the lowest of low. Not bad for a good day's work.

All in all, our team was really lucky to have made it to the summit on our first try. The weather though unpredictable, was most importantly on our side. All in all, an unforgettable experience.

Day4

Spent time in KK. Lunch at some fancy seafood restaurant. Great food but thoroughly over-priced. Flight back KL. Got ripped off going back to SK on a taxi from Putrajaya bus terminal. Arrived in a quiet lonely house. I couldn't stand from being in a noisy group to suddenly being alone again. Thus I threw everything into my car and made a four hour drive back to Penang on the same night.

Finally, finally I had a good and deep sleep in my own bed till the next morning.

Conclusion

I love the mountains. I will definitely not hesitate to go back for a second climb. But with the same amount of money (about RM1k-ish) I'll have to pay, it'll be a better idea to go somewhere new.

More pictures on my Facebook.