To Appraise

It has been three months from my first day of work. I had my probationary appraisal done and was a bag of nerves before it. I wasn't really confident if I performed well and at the same time I was very eager to know what they think of me.

At first, the group head did the appraisal with me. I guess the questions were pretty standard where I was asked a lot of questions about my experience with the company, how I think I performed and where I think I can improve. It was more like a sharing session where he got to know about my experience and I can get some of my questions answered.

After that first session I was suddenly called again to have a talk with my direct superior. It felt a little out of the blue. He sat me down in the chill room and invited me to share about my thoughts. We had a brief talk about me, him and the company. It was awesome in a way coz after coming out from the room, I was pumped to do better for myself.

All this sharing got me thinking about what I want to do for the rest of the year. A quarter of the year has passed and I am not really quite near to achieving my goals. I know 2011 is going to be hard. This is not a year to talk about reaching high and be ambitious. This year is about me sharpening my technical skills and learn as much as I can from the really great people around me.

I love working for several reasons. The best of all was being given real responsibilities, real work. It bemused me sometimes when they will just throw a job at me regardless of whether or not I know how to do it. From here, I can either do very poorly or do fine, learning along the way. It's all really cool. Another reason I like where I am right now is the people. Clearly they are good in what they do. So I think I am in an enviable position where I get the opportunity to work closely with them.

During the appraisal, Mr. Direct Superior asked me what is it that I love. Do I love design? Where does my passion lie? What is it exactly that I want?

These are questions that stumped me. I can tell you I like design. Very much. I happen to think I am of the lucky few in this world where my day job is actually my passion. Graphic design doesn't pay well for fresh grads. I am willing to endure this for I know pay will get better if only I am willing to start (I hope).

However, I have come to realise that only talking about how much I like something are merely words. If really I am passionate about something, I will be willing to sit down and just work at it. Hack hours and hours away in honing my skills. I have always believed that passion triumphs talent. But I question how passionate am I really in this. Surely where I am standing right now doesn't show what I have been saying all these while.

I cannot see where I will be in a few years' time. But I can dream of that destination. Nothing is impossible if only I start. Stop looking around and concentrate on myself.

Remaining three quarters of 2011. I am committing myself to three things:

1. Know Flash

2. Know Web

3. Illustrate

To be where I want to be, I will need to begin. So when I question myself again, I will know the answer.