For This Year

Resolutions are really secondary. I don't know if I will keep them, but there are fun to make. What is more important is this tradition that I do not want to break. A couple of years back I've always given myself a frame of mind to face the new year.

2010, my last year as a student, I wanted to be brilliant.

2011, my first year working fulltime, I wanted to be brave.

So in 2012, it is going to be a year of possibilities. This year, I want to make my dreams come true.

So yea, dear me a few months down the road, please don't chicken out and please don't settle. You will be tempted, but do not give in. Heck, you're 25 this year and you still have nothing to lose. So go and pull your dreams from the clouds and make it real.

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2012 Resolutions

Wokay, let's recap last year's resolution:

1. Be happy. Despite all the let downs, I was happy.

2. Learn how to make things move. Hell yeah!!

3. Learn how to code (pass if I can make my own website). Fail kao kao.

4. Illustrate. In terms of work, I did a lot. But in terms of developing my existing skills to a higher level, no.

5. Read 50 books in 2011. I lost count. But am certainly didn't.

6. Start and finish my Eason Chan artbook. Didn't start at all.

7. Save money for camera, laptop and holiday. (so not gonna happen, at least not all three at the same time) No camera, no laptop, but I committed to TWO holidays, which I have yet to have the money to go on.

8. Run. Hell yeah!!!

9. Lose fat, be healthy. Came a bit late in the year, but yeah, I did this. At least I started.

10. Be happy. I am.

Come to think of it, I think I did pretty good for last year's resolution. But then again, I merely accidentally achieved most of it. It's not like I remembered these all the while and strive to achieve them. Why even make resolutions if they don't work? New years have this magical ability to make everything feel brand new, as if we could wipe all the bad things off and make a clean slate. For me, new years are about having new hope and dreams. Or rather, renewed chances to make my dreams come true.

Foolish it may be, but I kinda like resolutions, so this is my list for this year:

1. Save half my salary every month. Be frugal. Really stingy! (not possible for Jan, CNY costs a lot of ka-chink)

2. Learn HTML.

3. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week. (yup, I have an effing gym membership)

4. Draw. Draw. Draw.

5. Start a new blog on design.

6. Be more focused in work. Thus leave work at 7pm when possible. (yea rite, of course, whatever)

7. Start my pet project.

8. Be good and practice more patience with a certain someone.

9. Earn more money.

10. Be happy.

If you realise this whole list is basically all about work. I wanna make work something enjoyable again. Away from the office, I want work to be a joy again. Leave work early, and go make art.

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From Last Year

Bad memory of mine these days, I got so used to thinking I had this long list of resolution from last year. But reading back on my past post (first one in 2011), what I wrote was simply this:

Brave new environments.

Brave new people.

Brave new challenges.

Brave tough times.

It was something like a pep talk for myself as I stepped into my first real job as a multimedia designer. Thinking back, I thought this frame of mind that I set myself into was simply brilliant. I don't know if I adhered to these rules consciously or not, but it certainly got me through the year. Rui has this tendency to ask us to sum up the year in three words, I could think of only one very appropriate one: WORK.

Confucious once said, "Do what you love and you need not work a single day." I think it was Confucious. Hah. I thought that was complete bs. Or maybe rather my actions were not exactly to his words. I do not love what I'm doing, but I do love what I can do. This first year of working life got me down more times than I cared to count. I have another 30 years to go, maybe? Oh my.

I have been an awful blogger this year. So much so I didn't post a single thing for the last two months. Sorry 2011, I wasn't able to bid you a proper farewell.

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‎"得一個人竟也不孤單
作伴有我夢我影我身"

Will talk more about this when I have the chance. Hee.

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My Mom Blogs

Omg... my mom is so amazing. And her English's definitely more eloquent than mine:

http://mohbe99-2b-alive.blogspot.com/

Do visit her blog. Oh my, she blogs and I found out about this on Facebook! There's only just one post inside, I hope she continues to write. I know it's stupid, but doesn't it bemuse you sometimes to discover that your mom/dad is really a person, with thoughts and feelings, hopes, dreams, insecurities just like yourself. It's a humbling experience to see my mom through her writings, she's like this stranger who is thinking things that I didn't know she's thinking.

Do you get me? Will you ever think about getting to know your parents? No right? Coz it's like, they are these people who have been there your whole life, so what is there that you didn't know about them? It is here that we have underestimated them.

And nope, so not letting my mom know I blog too. It's... disturbing, okayyyy!

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Worse

HAHAHAHAHA... this new blogger template is so crazy! But I like!

I like how I can now see all the stuff I've written from the beginning of time all displayed in neat squares. Looking back, there were so many memories and boy, do I think highly of myself. But wait! This is not the time for reminiscence. We shall leave that until 2012. Ohohoho~ I can't wait to summarize how this year went, what I did and didn't, and what to look forward to in 2012 (London Olympics, hello!).

I don't know why but there's this constant excitement in me that's so looking forward to the end of the year and new year! I don't have plans, really, I guess I just like looking forward to how everyone's especially jolly towards the end of the year, how warm and happy Christmas makes me feel. I went to the Gardens today and suddenly thought of how they used to play Christmas songs during the season and got happy from the thought.

There was so much negativity in my blog for the past months, or when I chose to blog about anything at all. I never cease to complain and whine about work. Well, 2011's basically that, W. O. R. K. But tonight, I'm in an especially grateful mood, pretty hard to come by, I would say. Tonight, as I sat bathed in the warm glow of my yellow/orangey cheap Tesco lamp, I wanna write. Seeing all my past posts all lumped together inspired me to blog good and proper. Oh, in case you're wondering from the lack of updates here, no, I'm not gonna drop this blog, even if no one reads it anymore, I still need a place to keep me sane. Put your hands up who's reading!!!

...

Fine. Awkward silence you suck.

Right right right, back on track! About being grateful. I was driving home one night, once again at about midnight, the road's empty, music's playing on the radio and I was talking to myself. I reiterated all the stupid that happened, prep talking to myself and suddenly a cliche lighted up, I thought, it could have been worse.

Getting ideas shot down by Boss. It could have been worse. Boss could have been an awful man and not be nice about it at all.

Getting work revised and finally changed into something that's not mine at all. It could have been worse. Boss could have been someone with no design sense and thought Arial's cool, when we all know Arial's just a Helvetica-wannabe.

Getting my confidence and self-esteem trampled on. It could have been worse. It could have been all just for spite instead of for work.

The past month left me feeling really battered and worn out. Sometimes I didn't know what I was doing here. I felt so insufficient. Opportunities were aplenty but I simply didn't have the ability to seize them.

And it could all have been worse. I could have been in a place where designers are not valued, merely machines that do design and not allowed to think. I could have been in a place so safe, so secure, that I'll never make any mistakes because there are simply no opportunities to make them, which also by default means no opportunities to succeed.

But luckily, I am here. Still here.

I am not saying this place is the perfect place for me. But it could have been worse.

Edit 5 minutes later: The first paragraph won't make sense anymore coz I switched the template back to the old one. I just realised in the new template, it has all these +1, tweet and FB like nonsense. I'm sure there's a way to take them away but I don't have the leisure to do it now, so back to the old comfortable, PRIVATE template for me. Eheh. Oops.

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I wanna burrow my head in the sand and go back in time. But no, I'm an adult now, and adults don't run away. Adults face dragons head on and stick out their tongues and fake bravado.

Fuck this shit.

And adults are allowed to spew profanities. Hah.

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Snailmailing

I remember when I was a kid, how excited I'll get when there's a letter in the mailbox addressed to me. Even today, in the era of technology and Facebook, I still find magic in hand written postcards and letters. However I might be more prone now to receiving summons than birthday cards.

This post is a tutorial on how to make kids happy. I bought some really cute letters, envelopes and stickers to send back home for the kids. Each letter contained different simple messages. For the boy that has yet to learn reading, I drew. I've also included stickers into each of the envelopes so that when they are opened, the stickers will fall out like colourful confetti.

It makes me happy to make them happy. Hopefully these images will make you happy too. :)

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From the phone. The blogger app.

Is it better to feel anger, let everything that hurts lacerates your pride, in a way unleashing all the negativities. Strong waves of emotion wash away feelings, leaving one feel cleansed, empty, and blissful, maybe.

Or is it better to control yourself and feel indifferent, guard your heart and put on your best poker face. Feeling indifferent is less tiring, less dramatic. It's like giving up, throwing in the towel. Giving up to save yourself.

I don't know. All I'm thinking is, can this month be over already?

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