I like how I can now see all the stuff I've written from the beginning of time all displayed in neat squares. Looking back, there were so many memories and boy, do I think highly of myself. But wait! This is not the time for reminiscence. We shall leave that until 2012. Ohohoho~ I can't wait to summarize how this year went, what I did and didn't, and what to look forward to in 2012 (London Olympics, hello!).
I don't know why but there's this constant excitement in me that's so looking forward to the end of the year and new year! I don't have plans, really, I guess I just like looking forward to how everyone's especially jolly towards the end of the year, how warm and happy Christmas makes me feel. I went to the Gardens today and suddenly thought of how they used to play Christmas songs during the season and got happy from the thought.
There was so much negativity in my blog for the past months, or when I chose to blog about anything at all. I never cease to complain and whine about work. Well, 2011's basically that, W. O. R. K. But tonight, I'm in an especially grateful mood, pretty hard to come by, I would say. Tonight, as I sat bathed in the warm glow of my yellow/orangey cheap Tesco lamp, I wanna write. Seeing all my past posts all lumped together inspired me to blog good and proper. Oh, in case you're wondering from the lack of updates here, no, I'm not gonna drop this blog, even if no one reads it anymore, I still need a place to keep me sane. Put your hands up who's reading!!!
...
Fine. Awkward silence you suck.
Right right right, back on track! About being grateful. I was driving home one night, once again at about midnight, the road's empty, music's playing on the radio and I was talking to myself. I reiterated all the stupid that happened, prep talking to myself and suddenly a cliche lighted up, I thought, it could have been worse.
Getting ideas shot down by Boss. It could have been worse. Boss could have been an awful man and not be nice about it at all.
Getting work revised and finally changed into something that's not mine at all. It could have been worse. Boss could have been someone with no design sense and thought Arial's cool, when we all know Arial's just a Helvetica-wannabe.
Getting my confidence and self-esteem trampled on. It could have been worse. It could have been all just for spite instead of for work.
The past month left me feeling really battered and worn out. Sometimes I didn't know what I was doing here. I felt so insufficient. Opportunities were aplenty but I simply didn't have the ability to seize them.
And it could all have been worse. I could have been in a place where designers are not valued, merely machines that do design and not allowed to think. I could have been in a place so safe, so secure, that I'll never make any mistakes because there are simply no opportunities to make them, which also by default means no opportunities to succeed.
But luckily, I am here. Still here.
I am not saying this place is the perfect place for me. But it could have been worse.
Edit 5 minutes later: The first paragraph won't make sense anymore coz I switched the template back to the old one. I just realised in the new template, it has all these +1, tweet and FB like nonsense. I'm sure there's a way to take them away but I don't have the leisure to do it now, so back to the old comfortable, PRIVATE template for me. Eheh. Oops.
4 comments:
*hands up*
I couldn't agree more with this: "I felt so insufficient. Opportunities were aplenty but I simply didn't have the ability to seize them"
It's exactly how I've been feeling for the past year or so. But looking back - there's at least some improvement.
Fight on!
FIGHT ON!!!
Coz we're so new, and so inexperienced. but worry not, adrienne, things will only get better. YESSS!!
What is this blog i dont knoew ewdje
The gods instructed Pharroh to give the Jews gold as temptation, and it worked.
So unlike Pharroh, but an effective corruptor which allowed the gods to justify 40 years of warmongering under Joshua. This caused another host of problems to befall the Jews as well.
The gods used them as "minor partners" with the Italians in the destruction of Planet Earth through "Western Civilization", leading us to where we are today.
Even as peasant farmers we could be lulled::Good weather, bountiful harvests, etc. This is what old-world preachers were good for.
This stereotypical preacher had classic preaching styles:::Loud, damnation-fueled teachings. Contrast to today, preachers who are lulling the Damned into cruise control. The old-world style was important to snap people out of complacency. Unfortunately, in today's enviornment people consider this style insulting, and they lose a precious message designed for the favored of yesterday.
The Republicans got tired of being fingered for the corrupt trash they are and this time around timed the crisis so it would fall into the Democrat's lap with the bailout scandal. Republican donors/friends enjoyed enrichment at the expense of the taxpayer, as we saw with the S&L Scandal in the 80s, but this time they dodged the scorn associated and tried to unload it on the opposing party.
The real estate scandal was different, but fools who do what they are told greased the wheels of this crisis. Now they have the information they need, been foreclosed on and evicted, and are left holding an empty bag labeled "immortality".
The gods played both sides of this event, and those to whom they sold the real estate scam to in the 90s profiteered in the 2000s when the sub-prime machine flew into full gear during the peak of the market in 05-07. But we are all judged for our behavior, real or clone host, and despite perception of priveledge those who participated will suffer poetic justice, unless they have slipped into Damnation and are no longer eligible for punishment.
The gods position their theater like this for a reason::::This alienates the masses who flock to the party of evil liberalism while using the Republicans to prepare for god's will with governmental insolvency and the destruction of the true "evil empire".
The United States is a dumping ground for the disfavored. THis was how it was used during European immigration, this is how it is used today.
The Japanese Earthquake/Tsunami of 3/11/11 was actuslly a good sign for the people. Alarming because it came decades after their most recent admitted atrocities during WWII, at least they will experience corrective punishment, whereas the United States won't be as lucky.
Russia too enjoyed corrective punishment for the 1980 invasion of Afghanistan.
THere is something about this country. Interferring/injuring the Afghan people incurrs he god's wrath. It cost the SOviets their protection of communism. Now the gods have leveled the playing field among the last few white peoples who still enjoyed it on their way to a homogeneous global enviornment. If I am right about the United States we won't be as lucky. When we go down it will be for good, and there will be no recovery.
Yes, the clone host fake politicians have been planning for this for decades. Ronald Reagan turned a $1 trillion Federal debt into $6 trillion at the end of his Administration. Much like W in Iraq, this served to terminate the favor of a group of people. Reagan just didn't have to do it with violence as W did, but he did do it against white people, which says something.
I believe in killing, non-reincarnation:::The only way Planet Earth will achieve sustainability is if we "take out the trash" and the gods allow the most disfavored among us to be eliminated. The bouy is sinking, social decay is becoming ruinous and unless it begins to rise to the surface the gods will get their way and life will end on Planet Earth.
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