Book Quote

"It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it."

Oscar Wilde

A hopeless romantic?

Why I Blog

You're reading this post most probably through subscribing to this blog with a reader or directly clicking on my blog's link on any blogroll. The point is you're reading this voluntarily and not because I shove the link into your face. This is the reason why I feel more secure putting down my thoughts here as opposed to sharing it on Facebook or Twitter. Mypencilstories is my own tiny niche in the world wide web, mine but far from being private. You are reading what I chose to write. You are reading because you wanted to and I never asked you to. So pray tell, if you're ever offended by my thoughts, why should I care? Well, that has always been my rationale regarding freedom in blogging. But this thought has been slightly altered as of late.

How blogging started for me.

I think I started blogging in... Form3? I discovered it in Friendster, "Thoughts of Shy Goghvinci". Through blogging I discovered my ease with words and the ease words bring me. I find it easier to pour out my feelings by rapidly tapping on the keyboard. But the ease of feelings doesn't just stop there, it comes from the assuring fact that there are people reading and maybe, just maybe, someone reading cares.

Blogging from those days earned me the understanding of an important friend. I think having read my words allowed her to learn more about me thus bridging the gap between us. I am not easy to understand as a person, I sometimes purposely make it hard. But through my blog, I am glad she managed to see me. Yes, Adrienne, I'm talking about you (or didn't you realise this?).

For myself.

I blog simply for myself. Okay fine, I blog initially for the attention. I like reading people's comments. I like the interaction that happens. But soon I realised I don't have that many readers anyway so it gradually became I blog for myself. For my deteriorating memory. Like really. When I tried to recall what happened in Form Six, all I could remember was my horrid results. I don't remember details. Reading back on old old posts allows me to travel back through time and read for myself the person I was then.

Gah. I can't even remember what class I was in in Form3!

For design.

This blog only ever become active back when I was in Year2. It was then when I realised I can blog so much more about the mundane happenings in my life. I can blog about the things I've learnt about design and the work I did. With this blog, I record most of my creative processes and my growth as a designer. With a name I love and can totally relate to, "Pencil Do The Thinking" became both my personal and design blog.

For friends.

Blogging is an extraordinary way to keep in touch with friends. Once, I had this group blog with five other friends. We update it frequently with things that happened, thoughts and opinions on anything and everything. I have lost count on the number of times I was touched by the motivation, encouragements and love carried across to me by mere words. But like everything else good, our shared passion for the blog slowly ebbed away. The fact remains the experience was something I'll never exchange for anything else.

For readers.

Did I mention I love the attention blogging gives me? When you're here, reading about me, well, the starring role naturally belongs to me, right? I don't have many readers, I think I mentioned this before too. But for however little there is of you out there, I sometimes blog with you in mind. Not often, but it happens.

Blogging with discretions.

Oh, and a concluding paragraph to my opening. Once I felt that a blog is one's personal space where one can just rant and write and pour all out without qualms. You chose to read this. I didn't force you. That's my rationale. But I've come to see what blogging without discretions do to a person.

I read about people who rant non-stop. Post after post full of anger and frustrations. And then I find my perception of that person changed. I don't mind the ranting and all those negativities, you have every right to say what you want, but at what price? People look at you differently. As much as you think there's nothing wrong with saying anything you want on your own page, from that moment onwards, people will think differently of you.

Some might say they don't care what people think. When you show yourself losing control of your emotions, you are actually showing people your vulnerabilities. As much as I let people read about what I do on a day-to-day basis, I can't stand to let random strangers know my real thoughts. This is the main reason why I will blog with discretions. To protect myself.

Lastly, blogging is good for the soul. =)

Woes of September

It's not right to always put nice nice things in here. After all, this is my personal design blog that's supposed to keep track of everything I've done design-wise, feelings and struggles throughout the creative process and of course, self-criticism on my own work. I revel in showing my own designs here that I'm proud of. On the other end of the scale, I'm ashamed to show these sub-standard work. I know I am better than these. But by the end of me struggling to save the design, I simply thought numbly "I don't know how anymore."

Maybelline brief. Design a graphic to put on a bag. The brief is pretty loose, so long as it's able to portray the spirit of Maybelline and New York.

I did some shit first. Composed several images and sent it over to the lecturer for approval. But after I set about executing it, I gave up. I don't see the point in tracing over images with no real purpose in mind. Fine. Scrap that. Start over.

Then I did this ornate design thing. I love it. Really. But the feedback I got back from the lecturer was "I have nothing to say, hope the client like it." Well, that did not tell me much, did it? So I turned to some people I hope will be able to give my some honest feed back. The general consensus was it looked like stock vector (never mind the fact that I drew and traced it painstakingly in AI). And then there's the ever reliable Yueh Yih. Comments memang tak bagi muka one. I showed it to her, and she out right told me, "Re do." I was just trying to make pretty things, not thinking. I hated her. Must she be so honest, even if I asked for it? Every designer is fortunate to have such a jerk for a friend. Good for the soul. Strictly no sarcasm intended.

Then I proceeded to redo this thing. And finally came up with something I could have cried over by the end. It's like shit.

It's bad when I couldn't even look at it directly. I look at it from far far away and couldn't see a single thing. Handing in this work filled me with helplessness. I couldn't really blame this on procrastination. I had ample time. This time, I just couldn't pull it off. Maybe I was thinking too much when the simplest of graphic would be enough.

But for the heck of it, I am owning up to this work (but no way is this piece of crap going into my portfolio). Owning up to it as I would my other designs that put a beaming smile on my face.

Ahh... solemn solemn post. Better things will come. It has to.

Ah Pui and Ah San

Whoa! Post long time in coming!

Two of my bestest friend in the whole wide universe has graduated. Weeee~~~~ (erm... about a couple of months back kut)

I was the first one to go into Uni but the last one to grad (that is if I even manage to, hah!).

I missed your big moment, Rui, I was too busy conquering the highest peak in Malaysia. I hope I've sorta redeemed myself by being there for Hooi Fong on her big day. But truth be told, I happen to think convocation's like a big waste of energy, an elaborate show put up just for the sake of the family. Dear all, when I graduate, please, I'd like cash rather than bouquets of flowers that'll wither and die on me the next day.

Gah. Went a little off track there.

I've come to realise there are details about the two of you that I may not be able to answer. Details that one will only know if we see each other constant enough. Gone were the days when we were there all the time for one another, physically. I predict the coming years will be an even bigger challenge and will take a bigger toll on our friendship. Career probably does that better than university.

But I know no matter where we are, we have threads in common. There are not many people I can turn to in times of doubts and frustrations. You can bet your sorry ass I will not turn into one of those so-called adults that when asked where are your old friends and will answer, "Don't know. Lost contact long ago."

All the best my friends, in your future endeavors. I fervently wish we do not be complacent in our lives too early, well, at least not until we are fifty! Have faith and dive, one wise friend once told me. Let's all do that. I think we'll turn out rather brilliantly.

We cannot be otherwise.

E

Cute ma? =DDD

My Date with Mom

For the Raya weekend, mom came down from Penang to visit me! I was worried about not knowing where to take her. She planned to be here for four days three nights, I couldn't really expect her to just bum around in my room doing nothing, right?

I needn't worry because mom came with only one objective in mind: FOOD. In fact, she emailed me with a list of places she wanted to go and short of demanding me take her. These were what we had for the whole duration she was here, in order:

Seremban Favourites Char Siew > Imbi Road Tai Loke Min > Kuchai Lama dim sum > Jonker Street food stuff (she totally disliked them. even snorted in derision at a stall of penang char kuey teow there) > Ampang Yong Tau Foo > Tenji Japanese Buffet > Ampang Yong Tau Foo (had it again for her meal before leaving, it was so good it warrant a back-to-back visit)

No pictures. Not a fan of taking food pictures, I prefer eating them immediately after serving.

Anyhow, I was burdened with the guilt of not doing any work during her whole time here. Then the guilt was elevated a teeny bit with every kind of food we had together. I appreciate having my mom to myself for these few days. If all went well, the next time I'll see her will be graduation.

For the first time in my 23 years, I felt slightly embarrassed and guilty for having my mother pay for every single thing. I console myself by thinking these will be the last bits. When I work next year onwards, no more such treatments. When I earn my own money, it will be my blessing and honour to be able to care for her. I have no ambition to get big cars and big houses, but I do want to pamper my mom by paying for her food and expensive stuff she will never buy for herself.

Love you mom. Till end of the year. =)

Not Good.

Very very scared now. The last time I procrastinated like so things turned out horrendous. I know it's awful for me to hope my classmates are slacking in their work as well so that I'm not left alone among this pile of work.

Gaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.....!!!!!! I can't think for the advertising briefs. I HATE advertising.

That's why I'm gonna start on something simpler, the Maybelline brief.

Dear BPD8, if you're reading, WORK! Please work so hard and make me feel bad about slacking. I depend upon your momentum to propel me forward as well.

Bah.

Love for Books

I've finally went to the Bookfest held in KLCC. Twice. Once with my cousin, to first scout things out, then just now with friends, to finally buy some books. I admire my control this time around for I've only spent RM60 to buy three books. Last year, I spent about RM250 buying stacks of books plus CDs. Gah... luckily there weren't any old Eason Chan CDs.

These are the books I spent my good money on: Eat Pray Love, Empress Orchid and The Blood of Flowers.

Fictions are probably the only thing I read. When I buy during book fest, I try my best to get a variety of books eg. different genre and country. I like reading about different cultures, countries and equip myself with some historical knowledge. It is only with fiction that I will engross in reading. Give me a history book I'll probably doze off halfway.

My Books Read 2010 has reached #22. To reach my target of 50 seemed kinda far fetched now. Bah, never mind.

So many book sales going on! There's the BookXcess Raya sales and maybe a Borders sales. Mom's coming to visit this weekend. Maybe I can bring her to the bookfest? And buy more? *evil laughter*

Got yourself some books? Happy reading!

Hey Me...

Four months to graduation. Four months to the so-called real world.

Reminder to self: Anything but security. Anything but complacency. Anything but easy.

It's high time to scare myself wicked!

When in Doubt

I know of people who can't stand be taken advantage of. They might insist it's a matter of principle. Despite what people perceive of me, I have trouble standing up for what I think is my right. Even when I'm sure I'm right, I give myself lengthy pep talk for a semblance of reassurance. Unconsciously, I have developed this mental image of a weighing machine every time I encounter situations where I doubt my role. I weigh the pros and cons from all angles, adopting a tit for tat attitude.

But then recently, I have gotten tired of calculating so much over peanuts. It might be the right thing for me but not necessarily the right thing to do.

When in doubt, be generous. Not an easy thing to do.

My New Short Crop

I've finally cut off my hair, the longest I've kept since I was ten. The fear of having a bad short hair cut was outweighed by the frustration of waiting for my hair to grow till waist long.

A short short cut plus dark brown dye to colour out my faded highlights.

I think I look really good. =)

Pretty Blue and Shine

It's sunny and breezy outside.

But no matter how pretty the weather is there's really not much to do under this Malaysian sun.

Anyhow, the breeze is lovely.

It's not that bad after all.

=)