Run, Fool!

WAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Another worthy night of self discovery.

You know you're good. Good at what you do. Very good. But why is that your work is far from mind-blowing? Why is it that you got a B in a subject you're so confident in? So what if sometimes you couldn't show off your real skills when it comes to work? You tell yourself it's all the restraints stopping you. Time. Pressure. People poking their heads over your shoulders. Anything and everything stopped you from showing off what you're really good at.

But then came one night when all obstacles are removed from your path. People bothering you? Fine, take them away. Lack of time pressuring you? Fine, have all the time you want. Inspiration not coming? Okay, here's a muse, appreciate it.

The roads are cleared. Nothing and nothing is able to bother you now. So run! Run to your heart's delight. Run so fast, you're able to lift yourself off the ground and soar in the skies.

Pitiful, bitter, hard truth.

It is at a time like this, I am forced to admit, I don't even know how to walk.

Tonight is a good night. To realize just how bad I am.

The truth is crippling. But I am still good at picking myself up. I think. =D

Of Coins, Ice Creams and Babies

I posted on Facebook how I was too cheapskate to reload my phone and had to depend on free smses to contacts on FnF list instead. When I went into the office last bright early morning, Eugene came over to my place with an evil grin on his devilish face. He was armed with a tray of spare coins and began unloading coins worth RM10 on my table. It was both funny and slightly embarrassing for me. I was not really THAT broke. Some other colleagues then contributed to my 'charity' fund by giving me their five cents and lo-and-behold, a red packet. What the - !

Anyhow, thanks to these people, I now have credit on my phone (and I burnt seven bucks making a land line call home. sweet.).

Went to have McD take away after work. I had to wait fifteen minutes coz the ayam goreng's not ready. To while away time, I bought a sundae cone and the kind staff there gave me one double the size you'll normally get. Awesome people!

HF is buying a new car tomorrow. Her Mr. 2009. I am at the same time both excited and worried for her. It seemed like such a risk, not to mention financial burden to be getting yourself a car even before you graduate. I hope she knows what she's doing and things will work out well for her. On the bright side, now I can get free rides from her in her brand new car!

Hehe... I couldn't stop smiling when I heard this news. My sister's pregnant! Her second child. I am going to be an aunt fifth time over!

This day was just filled with happy little things that make my day.

Hallo Sneak Peek

I haven't been feeling inspired in the longest time. Ermmm... scratch that. I have been inspired, just not motivated to do anything about the inspiration. Anyway, I felt really keen on designing a Halloween wallpaper. All I could do tonight was to sketch it out. I need a scanner, or at the very least, snap this with my SLR to get better resolution.

Anyway, do keep a look out here for future improvements on this piece.

One thing I figured, inspiration is also something you need to practice in gaining. If you haven't been drawing/designing for the longest time, given a piece of paper, all you could do is stare at it. Well, for me at least.

May I Come In?

I need to completely own something before I can feel completely like myself. Maybe it's due to low self esteem or something. It's like a friend invited you to a birthday party. You arrived, gift in hand, just outside the door. You looked in and saw your friend having a good time with other friends. Being a coward and feeling really awkward, you stood outside the door, not knowing if you should go in and not daring to call out to your friend. It has to do with not knowing if you have the right to be there. Not knowing if you're wanted there. Not knowing if you belong there.

This feeling of needing to find a sense of belonging applies to a lot of things in my life. Meeting new people. Finding myself in a new environment.

Maybe I just need a good excuse for doing what I am doing.

***

I need to focus. Priorities in life at the moment: Finish internship. Create a stupendously impressive report. Polish skills. Upgrade skills. Make more design. Earn more money. Be very busy.

I have no time for you.

Zipping Time

I have been thinking a lot about the end of the year.

Two and a half more months and bye-bye 2009. I admit it's still a bit too early to do a recap, though it is not my intention for this post. How quick time flies, is one thing. How you don't feel the passing of time, THAT is scary.

A lot of people's birthday has been coming up. That's what prompted this post. It felt as if I have just celebrated it with them not long ago. Dank. It has been a year!

What have I done? What have I done? 2009. One of my favourite moments so far.

I intend to end the year with a resounding bang! No more idling away in Secret Recipe doodling on a foreign balloon.


ps: HF, remember? You have two and a half more months to realise the promise. Hah!

G-Force For Real

The first week in October shall go down as the most hectic of the year. Not that I did anything serious at all. Just loads of fun hanging around doing spontaneous unplanned things. All thanks to the company of two crazy people, Tres and Jr.

It's fun being around people who are game for anything. You don't think if you have the time, you don't bother with the locations, you just GO. We have made promises to go so many places, Melaka and Langkawi some time next month. What the heck. We're game. Let's GO!

It all started off with an innocent hang out between friends who are not really familiar with each other. Let's just say alliance are formed between us for though we have nothing in common, we do all have the same enemy. And enemies of one person, will make the best of friends with each other.

Drinking - dancing - getting drunk - puking - hugging - sleeping - breakfast - secrets - lies - drink again - dance again - drunk again - laughter - jokes at one person's expense - red box- singing - ice creams - 12 scoops again - chili pan mee - starbucks - feel the love - klcc - walking - pavilion - corona - drink again - loud loud music - good good night - bunking over - pretending not to know each other - having the best time ever with each other.

The crazy things we do. The stupid stuff we inspire each other to do.

Just moments like these I live for. At the moment. No plans. No commitments. No expectations. No promises. No pressure. Just good good time. And fantastic company.

I want nothing to ruin this.

The Night the Moon was Full

This might be a little too late to post up things on Mooncake Festival. Allow me to compain that I haven't had ANY mooncakes at ALL this year. Well, I did have a bite or two out of snowskin mooncake, but that is so ciplak!! I want pandan lotus paste with egg yolk. =(

Mooncake Festival, 3 October 2009. While it lasted, it was grand. For the moment. Simply for the moment.

So this is what a chipped heart feels like.
Thank you for being honest.
Thank you for giving me a clear perspective on things.
You needed time to think, to get your thoughts straight.
To be fair to me.
I needed time because this is going too fast.
I needed time to see you. To know you. To see if this is right.
It all sounded so rational. So civilised.

So why is it that when it's time to go, you held on to me still?
Why did our last kiss good bye tasted so sad?
Why are your eyes red with tears?
Why is it that when I finally closed the door, and you were gone, tears began to flow down my face?
We are giving each other time.
What if we are passing up on the perfect timing instead?
I am afraid that time will make this go away.

If not now, I am afraid it will never be again.


Some random piece of sappiness to share. Hee.