痛愛

仍然難禁看著你這個壞人　有什麼的吸引
殘酷至此更讓我想靠近
心知要換個別人還是有人
如同前世欠下你的吻　還怎麼敢怒憤
已習慣親朋好友問我怎會為你等
學會講只因這種狠深得我心

＊喜歡你讓我下沉　喜歡你讓我哭
　能持續獲得糟蹋亦滿足
　喜歡你待我薄情　喜歡你為人冷酷
　若是你　也發現　你也喜歡虧待我
　我就讓你永遠痛愛著我
　(我願讓你愛上我更加多)＊

和諧甜美永沒有天意弄人　有什麼的吸引
誰待我好　我就會不過問
偏偏踫著那壞人　全部誘人

全球情侶故事也相近　寧願天昏地暗
要為錯的人傷過恨過　方算是勇敢
長世間不喜歡開心　喜歡痛心

Repeat（＊）＊

I have fallen in love all over again with Eason Chan. Here, he sang Joey's song. It sounded so sad, especially in the chorus. Thus it inspired this little snippet of pain and hurt below (Rui, don't over react, these are just words):

"I can't smile anymore, for I think only of you. Even if I forced myself to, it wavered through my tears.

I have no expectations, only dreams.
I didn't dare hope my dreams will come true, only allow me to continue owning them.
You made no promises, so how could you break a thousand?
There were no attachments, so what was it that got disconnected?

So painful. So very painful yet it is only a pinch compared to the wrenching pain it could have been.

I didn't know I was only dreaming it all, until the day I open my eyes, and woke up. Finally."

I will be going back to Penang for good tomorrow. Hand in the report and that's it. No more living just for the moment. Every step must be calculated. Every second fully utilised. I want my three months break to mean something, and not to be just squandered off, again.

It ends tomorrow. Let it pass soon, so I can stop hoping.

Team Red

That's it. My last day in Integricity.

Hah... I can write things like what I've learnt and people that I've met, but I've included all of these into my report. I've been typing so much on Integricity the past week. Anyhow, these are pictures of the place I have been working in for the past four months.

My desk.

Reception just outside the office. There's a foosball competition going on every six o'clock, every day, without fail.

One of my favourite perks of working in this place was getting access to design books and magazines. Too bad, I didn't utilise them properly.

Bean bag room! My favourite spot in the whole office. I WILL have bean bag in my future house.

Yesterday, the whole office went out for a farewell lunch in Frontera, Jaya One. The farewell was not for me alone, but for the other two colleagues as well, great guys who have been in the office longer than I did. The part I loved about yesterday's lunch was it was fully sponsored by the directors for the people going off. Ah... I am so going to miss all the free food: birthday cakes, Super Ring, milo, pisang goreng, keropok lekor, cup cakes, Krispy Creme. O well, at least now I can start on my diet plan. Oh, and also the day before, studio treat me to Japanese food coz I'm leaving. Umm.. I have a suspicion it was not a farewell lunch but celebratory instead. They were happy to send me off! Hee...

People leaving had to give a speech during the Frontera lunch (great fried chicken tenders they have!). I didn't prepare mine, coz I've already typed this long farewell letter addressing every one in the office that I've yet to send out then. Anyhow, I managed to thank ever one, appreciating them for the things I've learnt from them as well as the good times I had.

I didn't know working life could be this fun. It boils down to the people in the company. Very kind, patient and knowledgeable people. Not to forget, their love for bullying and pushing the intern around. Fuh... I have endured through it all coz I was merely an intern. But now I'm FREE!!

I remembered how reluctant I was of sending out my resume, looking for a job. And now, it's all over, an amazing experience from an amazing company.

Thank you, Integricity.

Itu Buku. Darn That Buku!

Report. Done and dusted! =D

Fuh. Seriously. It's done. Sat in front of the computer two nights in a row to finish it just in time for binding. Hard cover binding takes about three working days to bind. Since Friday's a public holiday, the ultimate cut-off date was today, Tuesday. Made it just in time. If nothing goes wrong, I will be getting my bounded report by Monday, prettily done up to be handed in.

I had an hour's sleep last night. Two hours the night before. Then had to drag myself to work, do work stuff and have no time for report during the day.

Things seemed to just go well for me today. I was planning to print during lunch time, but couldn't coz it's not done yet. But I got permission to go off work half an hour earlier to print, just a little leeway in time to beat the 6 o'clock LDP jam to Sunway. Traffics was clear. Got to the print shop, darn, no fonts. Installed fonts I saved in my hard disk into the virus infested computer, but spent two hours changing fonts in the body copy. I was so convinced resolution for the images were too low to print. I have given up, and sorta convinced myself to settle for pixelated images. But surprisingly, it came out alright. Maybe it's due to my worst case scenario imagination, though the quality was not perfect, it's better than what I thought could be. After three hours at the print shop, burnt RM190, print and taxi fare. Dank, this part of being a design student I don't miss.

A huge load is off my shoulders now. Report is done. Today's Tuesday. Tomorrow's a Wednesday. Then Thurday will come, my last day in Integricity. After that, I will go back home, bring down the car and start moving things to the new place in SK. Hand in report, and drive back to Penang. That will be the end of November. The end of my experience here in Damansara.

One by one, the days will pass. I was very excited about the idea of going home. Of finally having my own time to start on my little projects. But then it struck me. This is it. And it saddens me too.

Hur... am too tired now to relay all. Maybe the next post. On the people I have met, things that I have done.

See... even my sentence is so broken. Bits and chunks. Like don't know how to write.

Oh ya... before I forgot. I was standing in the print shop. Looking at all the artworks pasted on the wall. Ah... I am so far from being so good. I was just standing there. Looking at it all. Absorbing reality. It hurt to know. But by just accepting it all in, no excuses to why I am not that good yet, ignited a spark of motivation in me.

Just a spark. I'll probably not remember after waking up tomorrow.

Nights, peeps. Good stuff coming soon. Ok laa.. maybe mediocre, but will try to make it good. Ah... stupid fingers. Stop typing. I need to sleep. Oi! I said stop typing! Argh!!!

And there I had to hit enter twice. And on a new paragraph have to type something, right? Haha~ I love being delirious from lack of sleep.

Lalalalala~ ta!

Pretty Umbrella

Raining everyday.. but under the umbrella, I will still be humming to my iPod, even with shoes soaked through.

In Anticipation...

I love Christmas. Yea.. I know.. it's not gonna come for another month yet. But you could have fooled me with the atmosphere in the office today. There were Christmas songs playing and chocolates for everyone going around. The day was cool with the falling rain, perfect for warming myself up with a cup of hot toffee nut latte from Starbucks.




As much as I am anticipating the month of December and the end of the year, I am also going to savour the waiting. The anticipation, the excitement of thinking all that is possible, is sometimes much more exhilarating than the fact of it happening. Yep. I am boring like that. So sue me.


ps: big sad eyes giraffe belongs to Lianne, and big kelian eyes lion, GelatissimoLatte's Oli's.

For the Greatest Man with the Coolest Bike

Today's a rainy day. Sky is dark, temperature's especially low. I didn't go home again this year. Mom's not in Malaysia, so I guess none of us did anything in your memory. Not the usual way anyway. And I'm sure none of us forgot. Of course.

單車
陳奕迅

曲：柳重言　詞：黃偉文　編：柳重言

不要不要假設我知道
一切一切也都是為我而做
為何這麼偉大　如此感覺不到
不說一句的愛有多好？
只有一次記得實在接觸到...
騎著單車的我倆　懷緊貼背的擁抱

難離難捨想抱緊些　茫茫人生好像荒野
如孩兒能伏於爸爸的肩膊　誰要下車
難離難捨總有一些　常情如此不可堆卸
任世間再冷酷　想起這單車還有幸福可惜

經已給我怎會看不到
雖說演你角色實在有難度
從來虛位以待　何不給個擁抱？
想我怎去相信這一套
多疼惜我卻不便讓我知道
懷念單車給你我　唯一有過的擁抱

難離難捨想抱緊些　茫茫人生好像荒野
如孩兒能伏於爸爸的肩膊
哪怕遙遙長路多斜
你愛我愛多些　讓我他朝走得堅壯些
你介意來愛護　又靠誰施捨

難離難捨想抱緊些　茫茫人生好像荒野
如孩兒能伏於爸爸的肩膊　誰要下車
難離難捨總有一些　常情如此不可堆卸
任世間怨我壞　可知我只得你承受我的狂或野

Everytime this song plays, it brings back the memory of once upon a time. I miss sitting behind you, on the bike. Sometimes you will light a smoke while riding, and this will mix with the smell on you. All these, till today, embodied the smell of hard honest work to me.

I remember you picking me up from tuition at night. We'd always pass this steep road cutting through the hill. You'd purposely go fast, then bend low over the bike, so that I would feel the cold rush of wind directly at my face.

I remember concocting all sorts of silly stories in my mind when I sat behind you. Sometimes, I'd assume the characters and say the dialogues out loud. I always thought the wind covered my voice and prevented you from hearing. Now I wonder. Have you ever heard my stories?

I remember it was our ritual every morning. You'd take me on the bike and we'd go get a packet of potato chips from the grocery store. Then you'd drop me at the baby sitter's place at fourth floor. And when you came back from work, you'd buy tidbits for me. Is it any wonder now that potato chip's my favourite food?

I remember there was this once when you picked me up from school bearing this large piece of glass the size of a long dining table. I sat behind you with the glass held precariously between us. We were going at about 30km/hr. A ten minutes journey from school to home took 30 minutes that day. When I got down from the bike, the paper covering the glass was wet with my tears. Did you know? I was so scared.

I remember you paying me 50 cents to wash your bike. And five cents for every white hair I could find in your hair.

I remember you fetching me in a heavy rain. We were soaked through and through. You found it so funny that I said, "We were wet to our undies!" Why, I have no idea. Funny meh?

I remember you coming home from work in a rainy day. I'd rush to give you your towel to dry yourself. It was one of my many goody-two-shoes moments.

When mom didn't allow me to ride a bike, you were the one who convinced her to let me. Your reason to mom was, "How long do you want to protect her?"

I remember when I got my bike license, I fetched you once before. I think. Given the chance, you know I'd fetch you anytime you want for forever.

Today's your day. I miss you, Loutao.

Fat Black Whale