I need to completely own something before I can feel completely like myself. Maybe it's due to low self esteem or something. It's like a friend invited you to a birthday party. You arrived, gift in hand, just outside the door. You looked in and saw your friend having a good time with other friends. Being a coward and feeling really awkward, you stood outside the door, not knowing if you should go in and not daring to call out to your friend. It has to do with not knowing if you have the right to be there. Not knowing if you're wanted there. Not knowing if you belong there.
This feeling of needing to find a sense of belonging applies to a lot of things in my life. Meeting new people. Finding myself in a new environment.
Maybe I just need a good excuse for doing what I am doing.
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I need to focus. Priorities in life at the moment: Finish internship. Create a stupendously impressive report. Polish skills. Upgrade skills. Make more design. Earn more money. Be very busy.
I have no time for you.
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